When the recent Winter Olympics began in Vancouver, he moaned about the lazy verbal skills of the local populace.
"Every time I turn around," he said, "people are talking about the 'Lympics'."
From Oscar's point of view, folks were cutting corners with impudence by not articulating the 'O'. He ranted about it during a recent gathering at the local coffee cathedral with your agent and Weed. The subject arose when he accused Weed of this same offense.
Weed chewed on a maple sugar donut during Oscar's tirade. When he finished the donut, he looked at your agent and asked:
"When did 'Scar get so 'pinionated?"
***
Weed was so moved by the exploits of our country's athletes, he spray-painted his emotions on the pile of snow in the Sack's centre circle. He used some green paint when he ran out of the red stuff.Others on the street roundly applauded his efforts. Gordon, the Sack's resident hand wringer, was the sole exception.
When your agent encountered Gordon at the local shopping emporium, he was quick to point out that Weed's unauthorized use of the Olympic logo could result in legal action by the proper authorities.
Weed says Gordon has no 'Lympic spirit at all.
***
Weed's artwork wasn't the only evidence of national spirit around the Sack.
Ben, a senior cook in the Canadian Forces, proudly flew a Team Canada flag on his car throughout the Games. Florence, Marion and Gordette were observed with those ubiquitous red mittens flogged by a national, foreign-owned department store.
Oscar chose a more unique method for displaying his nationalist ardor.
When the Games began, he vowed to remain unshaven until the Canadian men's hockey team won the coveted gold medal.
If Canada didn't win, Oscar would be stuck with the beard for at least another four years. He said he had already considered this possibility, but was certain that "we shall prevail."
By the time the gold medal hockey game began, Weed observed that Oscar looked more like a criminal than a patriot.
Weed's artwork wasn't the only evidence of national spirit around the Sack.Ben, a senior cook in the Canadian Forces, proudly flew a Team Canada flag on his car throughout the Games. Florence, Marion and Gordette were observed with those ubiquitous red mittens flogged by a national, foreign-owned department store.
Oscar chose a more unique method for displaying his nationalist ardor.When the Games began, he vowed to remain unshaven until the Canadian men's hockey team won the coveted gold medal.
If Canada didn't win, Oscar would be stuck with the beard for at least another four years. He said he had already considered this possibility, but was certain that "we shall prevail."
By the time the gold medal hockey game began, Weed observed that Oscar looked more like a criminal than a patriot.
***
The success of the Canadian men's hockey team was a very serious matter around the Sack. Amid the corporate hype and the media hyperbole, hockey really does matter to many Canuckleheads.
There are probably many reasons for this, although only a few likely have anything to do with hockey.
Big Doug's opinion on the gold medal hockey game was a good example of this devotion. He told me that none of Canada's other medals would mean anything to him, if our hockey team lost. He said it would be a real kick in the arse if the American team won instead.
Weed was also clear about his feelings on the subject. He said he couldn't imagine leaving his house for a long time if the game didn't go well. He said we probably wouldn't see him for weeks.
Oscar, who was present at the time, said maybe there was an upside to losing, after all.
Nevertheless, Oscar's desire wasn't entirely fueled by patriotic fervor. Apparently, his beard was driving him crazy. Gloria, his wife, wasn't fond of it either.
The next time he decides to do something stupid, Oscar says your agent should make a firm effort to talk him out of it.
"You can count on me," I replied.
Little Doug's entire extended family arrived at his house. Elizabeth and her husband, Prince Phillip were welcomed at Gordon's house along with some mutual friends. Ben and Norma hosted a large number of Ben's military co-workers. Big Doug went to a gathering at his brother's house.
The residents
of Burning Manor certainly did not pass up a prime opportunity for a Sunday drink-fest. The game didn't start until after 4 pm, but Dirk and Dora had a full house by half past the noon hour.
Dora's father, Teddy McGnarly was clearly geared up for the match. Just before noon, he came bounding down the front steps of Burning Manor. It was about -4 degrees outside. Nevertheless, he was shirtless and wore only jeans and a pair of slippers.
He walked to his truck and retrieved a case of beer. While he was there, some of his compadres arrived for the game. Despite his bare chest, Teddy stayed outside and chatted with them for about ten minutes before they walked into Burning Manor laden with beer.
Oscar said Teddy's half naked appearance on a cold winter day was exactly the kind of fortitude the Canadian hockey team would need to win the gold medal. As such, he said this could only be a good omen.
The old town's Sidney Crosby scored the winning goal. This made it especially joyous for folks in these parts.
Oscar, Weed and Computer Doug watched the game at the Wonders' house. Almost everyone wore some kind of Canadian hockey paraphernalia. Weed actually wore his hockey helmet, but took it off in the second period because it was too hot.
The drama of the game kept everyone transfixed right until the overtime conclusion. There were highs, lows and moments of great tension.
When Sidney Crosby scored the winning goal, everyone leapt in the air. A great amount of hooting and hollering ensued. Spontaneous hugs and high five's followed. Oscar spilled his drink and Mrs. Wonders broke her glasses. Weed danced an impromptu jig. Computer Doug wept.
When the national anthem was played, everyone sang. We were off-key and our lyrics didn't match, but no one cared.
There are probably many reasons for this, although only a few likely have anything to do with hockey.
Big Doug's opinion on the gold medal hockey game was a good example of this devotion. He told me that none of Canada's other medals would mean anything to him, if our hockey team lost. He said it would be a real kick in the arse if the American team won instead.
Weed was also clear about his feelings on the subject. He said he couldn't imagine leaving his house for a long time if the game didn't go well. He said we probably wouldn't see him for weeks.
Oscar, who was present at the time, said maybe there was an upside to losing, after all.
***
Of course, Oscar was still adamant that a Canadian victory was essential. He said he had been praying about the outcome of the game for days. Although he's a declared atheist, he says it's always a good idea to hedge your bets.Nevertheless, Oscar's desire wasn't entirely fueled by patriotic fervor. Apparently, his beard was driving him crazy. Gloria, his wife, wasn't fond of it either.
The next time he decides to do something stupid, Oscar says your agent should make a firm effort to talk him out of it.
"You can count on me," I replied.
***
Like folks in other countries, Canuckleheads are often communal when the big game is on television. Last Sunday, a number of Sack residents hosted gatherings to watch the gold medal game between Canada and the United States.Little Doug's entire extended family arrived at his house. Elizabeth and her husband, Prince Phillip were welcomed at Gordon's house along with some mutual friends. Ben and Norma hosted a large number of Ben's military co-workers. Big Doug went to a gathering at his brother's house.
The residents
of Burning Manor certainly did not pass up a prime opportunity for a Sunday drink-fest. The game didn't start until after 4 pm, but Dirk and Dora had a full house by half past the noon hour. Dora's father, Teddy McGnarly was clearly geared up for the match. Just before noon, he came bounding down the front steps of Burning Manor. It was about -4 degrees outside. Nevertheless, he was shirtless and wore only jeans and a pair of slippers.
He walked to his truck and retrieved a case of beer. While he was there, some of his compadres arrived for the game. Despite his bare chest, Teddy stayed outside and chatted with them for about ten minutes before they walked into Burning Manor laden with beer.
Oscar said Teddy's half naked appearance on a cold winter day was exactly the kind of fortitude the Canadian hockey team would need to win the gold medal. As such, he said this could only be a good omen.
***
Oscar might have been right about the omen. The Canadian team eked out an exciting overtime victory. Canuckleheads everywhere went bananas with joy.
The old town's Sidney Crosby scored the winning goal. This made it especially joyous for folks in these parts.Oscar, Weed and Computer Doug watched the game at the Wonders' house. Almost everyone wore some kind of Canadian hockey paraphernalia. Weed actually wore his hockey helmet, but took it off in the second period because it was too hot.
The drama of the game kept everyone transfixed right until the overtime conclusion. There were highs, lows and moments of great tension.
When Sidney Crosby scored the winning goal, everyone leapt in the air. A great amount of hooting and hollering ensued. Spontaneous hugs and high five's followed. Oscar spilled his drink and Mrs. Wonders broke her glasses. Weed danced an impromptu jig. Computer Doug wept.
When the national anthem was played, everyone sang. We were off-key and our lyrics didn't match, but no one cared.
***
The Winter Olympics are over now. The hoopla has come to an end.
The excitement of the previous two weeks and the dramatic conclusion to the hockey game seemed to take its toll on Sack residents. Conversations about snowboard cross, speed skating and the skeleton have subsided. Attentions have returned to the routines of daily life. At least, that's it what it seems like to your agent.
Oscar says we're suffering from a post-Olympic hangover. He was very deliberate in pronouncing the "O."
A strong dose of Maritime weather has probably compounded our doldrums.
In the old town, strong North Atlantic gales and heavy rain have been the norm. The accumulation of winter snow has slowly eroded into smaller mounds of ice, salt and mud.
Weed's Olympic artwork is now unrecognizable. The flag of the cellar dwelling Toronto Maple Leafs, has replaced the Team Canada flag on Ben's car.
I haven't seen anyone wearing those funky red mittens.
Following the gold medal hockey game, Oscar quickly shaved his two-week old beard. However, he left a burgeoning mustache behind. Weed was quick to refer to it as a "70's porn star mustache."
Oscar has also refused to become winter weary like other Sack residents. The Paralympic Games, he pointed out, begin next weekend in Vancouver. There will be unprecedented television coverage of the event. He says we should be regrouping and preparing to cheer for our Paralympic athletes.
In particular, Oscar says that Canada's sledge hockey team will be defending its gold medal. Their perennial adversary, the United States team, is the current world champion. Another dramatic showdown is anticipated.
In his enthusiasm for the team's fortunes, Oscar has made yet another bold declaration. Apparently, he has vowed not to shave his mustache until Canada wins the gold medal in sledge hockey.
Again, this will mean at least another four years of the mustache if the United States wins.
"What do you think?" asked Oscar, when he told me about his plan.
Recalling my vow to persuade him from foolishness, I looked at the beginnings of his 70's porn star mustache.
"I think it's a great idea," I replied.
The excitement of the previous two weeks and the dramatic conclusion to the hockey game seemed to take its toll on Sack residents. Conversations about snowboard cross, speed skating and the skeleton have subsided. Attentions have returned to the routines of daily life. At least, that's it what it seems like to your agent.
Oscar says we're suffering from a post-Olympic hangover. He was very deliberate in pronouncing the "O."
***
A strong dose of Maritime weather has probably compounded our doldrums.In the old town, strong North Atlantic gales and heavy rain have been the norm. The accumulation of winter snow has slowly eroded into smaller mounds of ice, salt and mud.
Weed's Olympic artwork is now unrecognizable. The flag of the cellar dwelling Toronto Maple Leafs, has replaced the Team Canada flag on Ben's car.
I haven't seen anyone wearing those funky red mittens.
***
Following the gold medal hockey game, Oscar quickly shaved his two-week old beard. However, he left a burgeoning mustache behind. Weed was quick to refer to it as a "70's porn star mustache."Oscar has also refused to become winter weary like other Sack residents. The Paralympic Games, he pointed out, begin next weekend in Vancouver. There will be unprecedented television coverage of the event. He says we should be regrouping and preparing to cheer for our Paralympic athletes.
In particular, Oscar says that Canada's sledge hockey team will be defending its gold medal. Their perennial adversary, the United States team, is the current world champion. Another dramatic showdown is anticipated.In his enthusiasm for the team's fortunes, Oscar has made yet another bold declaration. Apparently, he has vowed not to shave his mustache until Canada wins the gold medal in sledge hockey.
Again, this will mean at least another four years of the mustache if the United States wins.
"What do you think?" asked Oscar, when he told me about his plan.
Recalling my vow to persuade him from foolishness, I looked at the beginnings of his 70's porn star mustache.
"I think it's a great idea," I replied.
***
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