It's difficult to ascertain the cause of this state of affairs. The deteriorating economic climate could certainly be one source. The existence of simultaneous election campaigns (federal and municipal) might also rate consideration. Additionally, the old town experienced a cool, wet summer. Noses could still be disjointed about this, too.
Regardless of the cause, the situation forced your agent to scour the house for a thesaurus. While possessed of a reasonable vocabulary, I have my limits when it comes to synonyms for "pissed off."
***
It should be no surprise that Gordon is in the midst of the Sack's ill will. Oscar believes that he's the ultimate agent provocateur and is responsible for most of the world's current turmoil.
"Gordon started flapping his lips and, before you know it, the world went to hell in a hand basket," he said recently. He thinks Gordon is ultimately responsible for the current economic climate, our environmental woes and the failure of the Toronto Maple Leafs to win the Stanley Cup during at least ten of the last forty-one years.
"It's classic chaos theory, man," he told me with a smirk.
It all started when Gordon garnered some intelligence on the fate of Serenity Terrace, a newly developed street on the Sack's eastern flank.
Serenity Terrace was supposed to be a collection of spacious town homes. It would act as a buffer between the Sack and the local coffee cathedral. More important, the values of Sack homes were expected to a rise as a result of this new, adjoining cul-de-sac.
Unfortunately, things haven't quite worked out that way.
***
After standing empty for a number of months, it became apparent that sales were moving rather slowly at Serenity Terrace. In fact, not a single unit had been sold. In response, the developer decided to change strategy. It became a rental property instead.
This hasn't proven to be a profitable decision. Among the twenty units on the street, only two have been rented. This is likely because the rental price remains ridiculously high.
The developer seems to be either quite patient or slowly running out of money. It could be a combination of both. To cut costs, they've halted work on the street's exterior landscape. The front and back yards of the units are littered with large rocks and discarded construction materials. Some of the units remain without any back decks. The street still hasn't been paved.
Weed says Serenity Terrace looks more like a ghost cul-de-sac. He could be right about this. The only thing missing is rolling tumbleweed. Oscar says he has actually seen some, but I remain doubtful about this.
***
Gordon, of course, has been outraged about the whole matter. As the Grand Pooh-Bah of the Sack Resident's Society, he has pestered the local city councillor with strident, indignant telephone calls and emails.
Recently, he flipped his noodle completely when he learned that the developer was refusing to build a fence that would separate Serenity Terrace from the Sack. Apparently, this was part of the agreement when the old town accepted their building application.
The local city councillor grew increasingly frustrated with Gordon as the Serenity Terrace debacle unfolded. He said there was nothing he could do about the matter. When the subject of the fence arose, the sudden crescendo was unsurprising. Tired of Gordon's complaints, the city councillor finally told the Sack's Grand Pooh-Bah to "go pound sand."
Gordon was more than a little miffed about this. He didn't think an earnest, righteous, and civic-minded man should be treated in such a fashion. Apparently, he was referring to himself in particular.
In retaliation, Gordon decided to throw the weight of his considerable support behind the city councillor's competitor in the upcoming municipal election. So, he removed the city councillor's sign from his lawn and replaced it with the other fellow's.
***
It was a big election sign. It would've been more appropriate at a busy intersection, rather than someone's lawn. Most people agreed that it had definite billboard properties.
The size of the sign, however, didn't really concern anyone. Sack residents are getting used to seeing Gordon with a bee in his bonnet. However, one aspect of Gordon's sign caused considerable amusement, especially among those whose sense of humour has room for the sophomoric kind.
The rival candidate's surname is Dyck.
Weed, of course, immediately said we should replace the candidate's first name on the sign with the words, "I am a." Oscar and Weed had some serious debate about a plan to do this, but nothing came of it.
Computer Doug also had his own view on the matter. "When I walk out of my house in the morning," he told me recently, "the last thing I want to see is a gigantic Dyck."
"That's true," added his wife, Marion. "It's the biggest Dyck I've ever seen."
There were certainly more comments of this nature, but I'll spare you the details.
***
Ultimately, I suppose Gordon's big election sign did cause the beginning of the Sack's recent rancour. The first tentacles of distemper emerged when the sign was at the centre of a recent automobile accident. It happened when a visitor to Gordon's house backed into the side of Little Doug's truck.
At the time, Little Doug's truck was parked alongside the Sack's centre circle. This was a perfectly legal thing to do.
The person who backed into the truck was Gordon's new girlfriend. He started seeing her about two months ago. Apparently, he found her on the Internet. Or perhaps, that's where she found him.
Gordon's new girlfriend appears to be a very pleasant woman. At least, that's how she appears from a distance. Your agent hasn't had the privilege of meeting her, yet. Nevertheless, some Sack residents report that she is the mirror image of Gordon.
"They're like two peas in a pod," says Norma's husband, Ben.
Oscar recently spent some time in conversation with Gordon's new girlfriend. Gordon was also present at the time. Since the conversation, Oscar has been referring to her as Gordette. This name was recently endorsed during one our shows on the Wonders' front porch.
***
Gordette wasn't particularly apologetic about backing into Little Doug's pickup truck. In fact, she was quite indignant that Little Doug had placed his vehicle in her way.
Little Doug, of course, is an all-round amiable fellow. He's not a man who wades easily into conflict. But he was taken aback by Gordette's offensive strategy. They ended up having quite an argument about the matter. Gordon, apparently, stood firmly behind his girlfriend's position.
Some say that Little Doug's furious retort was influenced by a negative predisposition toward Gordette. After all, she came from the Internet. That's the same place where his ex-wife ran off with someone about nine years ago. Oscar said he's quite certain this fueled Little Doug's vexation with Gordette. I, on the other hand, have no idea about such things.
Nevertheless, a further flurry of accusations was exchanged. Little Doug said Gordette should have looked where she was going. She said he shouldn't have parked directly adjacent to Gordon's driveway. Little Doug pointed out that he was legally parked. Gordette said he should have used common sense. Gordon stood beside her and nodded his agreement.
That's when Little Doug pointed out that Gordon's big Dyck sign was blocking the view from Gordon's driveway. It was inevitable, he pointed out, that someone would bang into something if they tried to exit from Gordon's driveway. The back of the big Dyck sign blocked more than half of the required viewing plane.
Gordon, of course, hotly denied Little Doug's statement. Then he accused Little Doug of parking like a hillbilly. Later, Little Doug would say that he had no idea what that meant.
Nonetheless, Little Doug responded quickly and incisively. He made a direct comment about Gordon's general character. He made it clear that it wasn't a reference to the election sign. He called Gordon "a big dick."
More angry words ensued. Thankfully, cooler heads prevailed. Insurance information was exchanged and the matter appeared to be closed.
Within a week, however, there were more developments in the affair. The result would further stoke the wrath of Sack residents.
***
Next: The Autumn of our Discontent (Part 2). Everyone becomes annoyed with Gordon. Then we become annoyed with each other.
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