Rather than any fervent desire for snow, Big Doug's strong work ethic lies at the heart of the matter. With his hands rendered idle, he becomes irritable and distracted. He can putter around with some make-work projects, but nothing seems to bring any satisfaction. He needs work that has meaning and purpose.
Lawn care and snow shoveling share an important characteristic. It's work that must be done. This is what drives Big Doug's engine. In spring, his lawn must be coaxed back to a green, robust state. Then it must be maintained throughout the summer and early fall. This requires effort, consistency and patience.
Snow on Big Doug's driveway requires a different kind of attention. It must be removed with diligence and expedience. With the frequency of nor'easters in the old town's neck of the woods, Big Doug's shovels remain occupied throughout winter and most of spring.
In between grass and snow, however, lies a cavernous black hole. This is why, for Big Doug, November is the cruelest month.
In between grass and snow, however, lies a cavernous black hole. This is why, for Big Doug, November is the cruelest month.
***
Signs of an emerging economic slowdown have already appeared in the Sack.
Your agent and Oscar took a stroll to the local coffee cathedral last week. It was a Wednesday morning. Your agent had taken a rare day off work. Oscar, of course, needed no such excuse. He works from home.
As we entered the establishment, Oscar elbowed me in the side and pointed. Computer Doug was sitting at a corner table. The old town's newspaper, The Chronically Horrid was spread in front of him. A cup of coffee and the remains of a maple sugar doughnut were at his elbow.
After acquiring our own supply of java, we joined him at his table. It didn't take long to learn why Computer Doug was at the local coffee cathedral in the midst of a workday. When Oscar asked about his welfare, he grinned sheepishly and said, "Well, I'm unemployed again."
***
Several years ago, Computer Doug lost his job. The company he worked for, in his words, "went tits up."
At the time, Computer Doug was unfamiliar with unemployment. Beyond looking for another job, he didn't know what to do with himself. Thankfully, Oscar was able to take him under his wing. He gave him a crash course on how to enjoy idleness. This is an area where Oscar holds considerable expertise.
Eventually, however, Computer Doug found another job. Everything was going swimmingly until the previous Monday. When he arrived at work, he was greeted with some very bad news.
"The company," said Computer Doug, after swallowing the last of his maple sugar donut, "has gone tits up."
***
Computer Doug said he's a bit worried that he has worked for two consecutive companies that have gone tits up. He said he's starting to get a complex about the matter.
"I think I've got the Midas touch," he said evenly, "except in reverse."
Despite the job loss, Computer Doug wasn't too worried about the future. He'll get some unemployment insurance money for a considerable period. His wife, Marion earns a decent wage, so they'll be able to manage their bills. He also has some information about another opportunity that might be worth investigating.
Computer Doug says his fingers are crossed.
***
Rental Doug and his blended family had to move from the Sack last September. The house they were renting was placed on the real estate market.The owner was hoping for a quick sale. Without any offers coming in, the asking price dropped twice. But still, no one seemed interested in buying it. Last week, the house was taken off the market. A "For Rent" sign now stands on the front lawn.
Rental Doug and his blended family could have been living there still.
***
But they're not living there anymore. Rental Doug and his blended family purchased their own home. They won't be coming back to the Sack.
Weed frequently bemoans the loss of Rental Doug. He says it cuts the Sack's Doug population by twenty-five percent. "That's a quarter of the Dougs, man," he says with frustration.
Oscar, however, says he's glad to see the back of Rental Doug. This should be no surprise to Sack observers. Oscar thinks Rental Doug has some kind of nefarious connection to Satan. Apparently, he was placed in the Sack in an undercover role. When "all hell breaks loose" in the world, Rental Doug was supposed to show his true colours.
Oscar says the whole matter is covered rather nicely in the Book of Revelations. I have no idea about such things.
***
The declining economy has also affected another Sack resident. A few days ago, Oscar stormed through the Wonders' front door. He was bursting with newly gleaned information. He said it was garnered directly from the horse's mouth.
"Jeff Christ," he said breathlessly, "is moving out west."
***
Jeff Christ has been gainfully employed at a local call centre for several years. He enjoyed a meteoric rise to the rank of team leader. According to Weed, who works at the same call centre in a junior position, Jeff's colleagues and subordinates regard him as a very fine fellow.
Nevertheless, call centre supremacy isn't Jeff Christ's calling. At least, that's how he explained it to Oscar when they encountered each other at the local coffee cathedral.
Jeff said his passion for the call centre game dropped dramatically during the last year. He didn't see much possibility for further advancement. Also, his salary was rather paltry for the amount of work that he did.
In the end, he decided that he wanted to pursue his real passion. Apparently, he wants to go back to school to become a teacher. He hopes to gain acceptance for next September. In the meantime, Jeff said he needs to save more money. His salary at the call centre wasn't going to be enough.
Besides, he has a strong feeling that there will be layoffs at the call centre very soon.
***
In order to earn more money, Jeff Christ is going to Alberta in January. He has a job lined up in the oil sands industry. He'll make three times the amount he was paid at the call centre.
Although he was hopeful of returning to the Sack in September, Jeff Christ said he was unsure whether everything would come together that way. He said he would go to whatever university accepted him. If one of the old town's schools didn't accept his application, he wouldn't be back.
Jeff said he would likely keep working in Alberta, if he doesn't gain entrance to a school next September. This way he would have maximum savings when acceptance finally came.
***
Jeff Christ's impending departure was a significant topic when Weed joined us later at the local coffee cathedral. Oscar said he wasn't entirely surprised about Jeff's decision. "I knew this was coming as soon as Rental Doug moved away."
According to Oscar, Jeff Christ is leaving the Sack because "his work here is done." Under his theory, the young man's presence was directly connected to the existence of Rental Doug. Apparently, Jeff was living here only to keep an eye on the man.
Now that Satan's agent in the Sack has departed, Jeff Christ's services are needed elsewhere.
***
In your agent's opinion, Oscar's explanation was preposterous. Rental Doug remains in the local area. Who would be keeping an eye on him now?
Oscar thought about this for a moment and then replied, "I don't know. That's God's problem now, not ours."
Weed, however, had his own theory about the matter. He said the departure of both men was a very dire sign. With the economic meltdown, constant war and rapid climate change, he said it was no surprise that both would leave the Sack.
"Things must be so bad," he said thoughtfully, "that both God and the Devil are getting out while they can."
***
Computer Doug's job loss, the failure to sell Rental Doug's former home and Jeff Christ's departure could be evidence of the declining economy. These could also be normal events that occur in the lives of cul-de-sac people.
I have no idea about such things.
Of course, it will still be very sad to see Jeff Christ leave the Sack. He is, of course, a very fine fellow. Hopefully, he will come back in September.
It was also unfortunate to see Rental Doug and his blended family move away. They were well regarded by other Sack residents.
Of the two departures, however, it's Jeff Christ's that remains in your agent's mind most. Every time I think about it, my thoughts converge on the same phrase.
Jeff Christ hath forsaken us.
***
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