***
Smorgasbord was the Sack's word of the month for January. The word was chosen only a few days after the month began.The word of the month is a very informal piece of business. If someone spontaneously utters an amusing word around the Sack, all you have to say is, "That's the new word of the month." That's all it really takes. The word is spoken, someone identifies it and presto, you've got your word of the month.
Presto, by the way, was the Sack's word of the month last September.
In some cases, the word of the month can be a phrase. Even then, it's still known as the word of the month. In this neck of the woods, logic is often in short supply.
This neck of the woods was the Sack's word of the month last March.
***
Smorgasbord was chosen after hearing Oscar's tale about the New Years Eve party he attended. Apparently, there was a well-stocked, open bar at the event. Oscar called it a "smorgasbord of free drink." Both Weed and your agent jumped on the word right away.Once a word is designated as the Sack's word of the month, it tends to be uttered with some frequency. Weed, for example, has since used it to describe the donut counter at the local coffee cathedral. He called it a "smorgasbord of sugary delights."
Computer Doug has also uttered the word. After the old town's waste management professionals left a trail of garbage behind, he lamented the "smorgasbord of crap" at the foot of his driveway.
***
The word of the month for February has already been chosen. It was selected a few weeks ago. This was a very unusual decision. Until now, the word had always been picked in the current month. It has never been selected in advance.
Oscar and your agent made the decision to break from tradition. Given the circumstances of the word's usage and its rarity, we agreed that an exception could be made.
Last week, Weed made an announcement at the local coffee cathedral. Apparently, he will be laid off from his job at a nearby call centre. He had been assured about the security of his position only the week before. But now, the place will be closing its doors.
Weed said he was gobsmacked when he heard the news.
Oscar and your agent made the decision to break from tradition. Given the circumstances of the word's usage and its rarity, we agreed that an exception could be made.
Last week, Weed made an announcement at the local coffee cathedral. Apparently, he will be laid off from his job at a nearby call centre. He had been assured about the security of his position only the week before. But now, the place will be closing its doors.
Weed said he was gobsmacked when he heard the news.
Gobsmacked is a slang term of UK origin. It's not commonly used in this neck of the woods. Weed, however, couldn't say why it suddenly emerged from his mouth.
"I was too gobsmacked to think of anything else, I guess," he said with a shrug.
"I was too gobsmacked to think of anything else, I guess," he said with a shrug.
***
Weed will be officially unemployed next week. He becomes the second Sack resident to suffer this fate in recent months. Computer Doug's employer went "tits up" several months ago.
Tits up was the Sack's word of the month last November.
While Oscar was saddened to hear about Weed's job loss, he was also elated that he would have more company in the Sack during the weekday.
Oscar, of course, works from his home. This doesn't seem to involve any particular labour on his part. As a result, he's always on the look out for someone to play with during the day.
During Computer Doug's recent unemployment, Oscar has been less than pleased with the man's participation in weekday activities. Despite numerous invitations to engage in daytime shenanigans, Computer Doug has spent most of his time at home in his pajama bottoms and bear-claw slippers.
"If I could only get the guy out of his pajamas," Oscar lamented, "we could start having a little fun."
Both your agent and Weed were a bit gobsmacked by Oscar's choice of words.
Tits up was the Sack's word of the month last November.
While Oscar was saddened to hear about Weed's job loss, he was also elated that he would have more company in the Sack during the weekday.
Oscar, of course, works from his home. This doesn't seem to involve any particular labour on his part. As a result, he's always on the look out for someone to play with during the day.
During Computer Doug's recent unemployment, Oscar has been less than pleased with the man's participation in weekday activities. Despite numerous invitations to engage in daytime shenanigans, Computer Doug has spent most of his time at home in his pajama bottoms and bear-claw slippers.
"If I could only get the guy out of his pajamas," Oscar lamented, "we could start having a little fun."
Both your agent and Weed were a bit gobsmacked by Oscar's choice of words.
***
Aside from a few brief appearances following a heavy snowfall, Sack kids are rarely seen outdoors these days. Not a single street hockey game has developed near the centre circle. A raucous, long-lasting snowball fight has yet to occur.
This is not a new phenomenon. It has been a growing trend for a number of years. Sack kids, it seems, don't play outside in the winter anymore.
Weed thinks this situation is a crying shame. He says that kids, at least those in this neck of the woods, have been drawn indoors by an increasingly digital world. Eventually, he argues, they'll rarely be seen outside during the rest of the year.
"Digital communication has driven them indoors," he said with a frown, "and global warming will keep them there. They'll be mole people when they're older."
Oscar wasn't pleased with Weed's apparent pessimism in this matter. In tandem with Computer Doug's blue mood, he said it didn't bode well for some daytime fun in the weeks ahead.
"It looks like I'm going to have my work cut out for me," said Oscar.
This is not a new phenomenon. It has been a growing trend for a number of years. Sack kids, it seems, don't play outside in the winter anymore.
Weed thinks this situation is a crying shame. He says that kids, at least those in this neck of the woods, have been drawn indoors by an increasingly digital world. Eventually, he argues, they'll rarely be seen outside during the rest of the year.
"Digital communication has driven them indoors," he said with a frown, "and global warming will keep them there. They'll be mole people when they're older."
Oscar wasn't pleased with Weed's apparent pessimism in this matter. In tandem with Computer Doug's blue mood, he said it didn't bode well for some daytime fun in the weeks ahead.
"It looks like I'm going to have my work cut out for me," said Oscar.
***
During this dreary winter, there has been one exception among homebound Sack kids. Eight-year-old Doo has been marching to the tune of his own drummer. He's outside every single day without fail.
Young Doo, it seems, doesn't change his habits with the season.
A solitary figure in the Sack's centre circle, the boy spends almost his entire time outdoors after school and even into the early evening. On weekends, he puts in double shifts. It doesn't matter how cold it is, either. He's out there without fail.
When Doo is outside, he engages in only one activity. He digs in the accumulation of snow and ice in the Sack. That's all he ever does.
At times, it can seem almost disconcerting that Doo spends so much time alone in this manner.
It's known that Doo's mom has placed strict limits on the boy's access to electronic doodads like television and computer games. Without these amusements, there seems to be little else to hold his attention indoors.
Following a snowfall, Doo spends his time shoveling the snow on the street toward the centre circle. He looks like he's trying to emulate the Sack adults doing the same thing on their driveways. In Doo's case, however, this is a rather purposeless endeavour. A passing snowplow will eventually perform the same function.
Thankfully, this doesn't seem to matter to young Doo. His attention seems focused on the shoveling journey rather than the shoveling destination. I've asked him numerous times if he would like to help me shovel the Wonders' driveway.
Aimless street shoveling, however, seems to be more his style.
Young Doo, it seems, doesn't change his habits with the season.
A solitary figure in the Sack's centre circle, the boy spends almost his entire time outdoors after school and even into the early evening. On weekends, he puts in double shifts. It doesn't matter how cold it is, either. He's out there without fail.
When Doo is outside, he engages in only one activity. He digs in the accumulation of snow and ice in the Sack. That's all he ever does.
At times, it can seem almost disconcerting that Doo spends so much time alone in this manner.
It's known that Doo's mom has placed strict limits on the boy's access to electronic doodads like television and computer games. Without these amusements, there seems to be little else to hold his attention indoors.
Following a snowfall, Doo spends his time shoveling the snow on the street toward the centre circle. He looks like he's trying to emulate the Sack adults doing the same thing on their driveways. In Doo's case, however, this is a rather purposeless endeavour. A passing snowplow will eventually perform the same function.
Thankfully, this doesn't seem to matter to young Doo. His attention seems focused on the shoveling journey rather than the shoveling destination. I've asked him numerous times if he would like to help me shovel the Wonders' driveway.
Aimless street shoveling, however, seems to be more his style.
***
When the snow has been cleared from the street, Doo's attention shifts to the small mountain of snow in the Sack's centre circle. This is when his digging efforts really begin.
Again, however, there doesn't seem to be any particular intention in Doo's behaviour. The boy digs with reckless abandon. Depending on the hardness of the snow, he'll use any kind of digging implement he can get his hands on. Lately, the small mountain of snow has been transformed into a giant, crudely formed ice cube. Doo has been whacking at it daily with some kind of metal rod.
Your agent's curiosity about Doo's activity in the circle has mounted as time has passed. A few weeks ago, I ventured over to him to inquire about the purpose of his labours.
"What are you doing?" I asked pleasantly.
"Nuthin'" the boy replied. He barely looked up from his digging.
Doo was standing atop the mountainous lump, while your agent stood at ground level. Scattered about his work area were the tools of his trade: a garden spade, a hockey stick, several two-by-fours and a three-foot metal rod. It was a veritable smorgasbord of digging implements.
"Are you building something?" I inquired, imagining the foundation of an impending winter fort. Pausing for a moment, the boy gave me a blank, distracted look. Finally, he gazed down at your agent.
"Naw, I'm just diggin'."
Again, however, there doesn't seem to be any particular intention in Doo's behaviour. The boy digs with reckless abandon. Depending on the hardness of the snow, he'll use any kind of digging implement he can get his hands on. Lately, the small mountain of snow has been transformed into a giant, crudely formed ice cube. Doo has been whacking at it daily with some kind of metal rod.
Your agent's curiosity about Doo's activity in the circle has mounted as time has passed. A few weeks ago, I ventured over to him to inquire about the purpose of his labours.
"What are you doing?" I asked pleasantly.
"Nuthin'" the boy replied. He barely looked up from his digging.
Doo was standing atop the mountainous lump, while your agent stood at ground level. Scattered about his work area were the tools of his trade: a garden spade, a hockey stick, several two-by-fours and a three-foot metal rod. It was a veritable smorgasbord of digging implements.
"Are you building something?" I inquired, imagining the foundation of an impending winter fort. Pausing for a moment, the boy gave me a blank, distracted look. Finally, he gazed down at your agent.
"Naw, I'm just diggin'."
***
It's now official. Jeff Christ hath forsaken us.
A few weeks ago, Jeff left for the promised land in Alberta. He has a job lined up with the oil sands project. Apparently, it will pay twice as much as his former team leader position at the local call centre. Jeff hopes to return to the old town to complete a teaching degree at one of the local universities. However, this depends on whether he gets accepted at other universities in Canada.
Weed says it should be no surprise that the call centre has gone "tits up" so soon after Jeff Christ's departure. Jeff stopped working there just after Christmas.
"Jeff didn't know the place would close," Weed explained, "but I think he had some kind of sixth sense about it."
Apparently, this is why Jeff Christ wasn't gobsmacked when he heard about the closure.
Apparently, the imploding economy also has affected the country's most lucrative industry. Folks from this neck of the woods have been migrating to Alberta for years in order to find well-paid employment. Now, some of them are being laid off. Many are returning home.
While Jeff's job isn't supposed to be in danger, Ben says it's still possible that more job losses could follow. Jeff, of course, was very optimistic about his chances. He said he wouldn't go if he didn't think he could make things work. Still, his uncle is concerned that he has put all his eggs in one basket.
"If his job goes tits up in a month," said Ben, "the kid's going to be gobsmacked."
Ben, of course, is a big fan of the Sack's word of the month shenanigans.
A few weeks ago, Jeff left for the promised land in Alberta. He has a job lined up with the oil sands project. Apparently, it will pay twice as much as his former team leader position at the local call centre. Jeff hopes to return to the old town to complete a teaching degree at one of the local universities. However, this depends on whether he gets accepted at other universities in Canada.
Weed says it should be no surprise that the call centre has gone "tits up" so soon after Jeff Christ's departure. Jeff stopped working there just after Christmas.
"Jeff didn't know the place would close," Weed explained, "but I think he had some kind of sixth sense about it."
Apparently, this is why Jeff Christ wasn't gobsmacked when he heard about the closure.
***
While Sack residents lamented Jeff Christ's departure, his uncle, Ben informed your agent that he wouldn't be surprised to see his nephew return sooner rather than later.Apparently, the imploding economy also has affected the country's most lucrative industry. Folks from this neck of the woods have been migrating to Alberta for years in order to find well-paid employment. Now, some of them are being laid off. Many are returning home.
While Jeff's job isn't supposed to be in danger, Ben says it's still possible that more job losses could follow. Jeff, of course, was very optimistic about his chances. He said he wouldn't go if he didn't think he could make things work. Still, his uncle is concerned that he has put all his eggs in one basket.
"If his job goes tits up in a month," said Ben, "the kid's going to be gobsmacked."
Ben, of course, is a big fan of the Sack's word of the month shenanigans.
***
There are now ghosts living in the Sack.
The new occupants of Rental Doug's former abode still haven't been viewed in any detail. They moved in during December, but have scarcely been seen since then.
The matter has intensified in recent weeks. The house has stood silent for the last ten days. There are no tire tracks on the driveway. It remains unshoveled. The house is dark at night. Nevertheless, there are sporadic reports of lights on in the late evening.
Even if the young couple is actually a pair of ghosts, Weed says he's still impressed by the size of their carbon footprint.
"They didn't put out any garbage at all last week," he said calmly.
Oscar, however, has his own theory about the pair. He thinks they moved in and then did what an inordinate number of Sack residents have already done.
"They went to Cuba, man," he said confidently. "Where else would they go?"
When Elizabeth sees something amiss at Burning Manor, one can only believe that it's true. She has an eagle eye for that kind of thing.
No one, unfortunately, has any idea about the origins of Dirk's black eye. Most people assume that his fragrant partner, Dora was somehow involved. They could be right about this.
The new occupants of Rental Doug's former abode still haven't been viewed in any detail. They moved in during December, but have scarcely been seen since then.
The matter has intensified in recent weeks. The house has stood silent for the last ten days. There are no tire tracks on the driveway. It remains unshoveled. The house is dark at night. Nevertheless, there are sporadic reports of lights on in the late evening.
Even if the young couple is actually a pair of ghosts, Weed says he's still impressed by the size of their carbon footprint.
"They didn't put out any garbage at all last week," he said calmly.
Oscar, however, has his own theory about the pair. He thinks they moved in and then did what an inordinate number of Sack residents have already done.
"They went to Cuba, man," he said confidently. "Where else would they go?"
***
Finally, we have some news pertaining to Dirk, the dark lord of Burning Manor. Apparently, he's sporting a black eye. Your agent hasn't seen it himself, but I've been assured as to the veracity of the claim. According to Oscar, Dirk's appearance was observed by Elizabeth, the regal vice chair of the Sack Resident's Society and next-door neighbour to Burning Manor.When Elizabeth sees something amiss at Burning Manor, one can only believe that it's true. She has an eagle eye for that kind of thing.
No one, unfortunately, has any idea about the origins of Dirk's black eye. Most people assume that his fragrant partner, Dora was somehow involved. They could be right about this.
***
Like Sack kids, Dirk and Dora tend toward a low profile during the winter months.
Weed says it's unlikely that the pair is drawn inside because of the digital world. He reckons it's the drink that's keeping them there. When you spend the other seasons drinking on your back deck, he says there's only one place to go when the winter arrives.
"Drinking round the kitchen table," Weed said thoughtfully, "that's where they're taking it. And that's probably where he got the black eye, too."
Weed says it's unlikely that the pair is drawn inside because of the digital world. He reckons it's the drink that's keeping them there. When you spend the other seasons drinking on your back deck, he says there's only one place to go when the winter arrives.
"Drinking round the kitchen table," Weed said thoughtfully, "that's where they're taking it. And that's probably where he got the black eye, too."
***
In most cases, we could gain intelligence on Dirk's black eye through reports from Tuesday Night Bingo.
Unfortunately, Norma is on temporary leave from her attendance at this cheerful event. Along with Ben, she has been saving money for their upcoming trip to Cuba. They're leaving next week.
Doo's mom, of course, has also retired from the bingo racket on a temporary basis. She's doing it for the same reason. Her and Doo's stepdad, Sticky are going to Cuba during the March school break. Young Doo will be staying with his grandmother for the entire period.
There will be no digging in the Sack that week, my friends.
Unfortunately, Norma is on temporary leave from her attendance at this cheerful event. Along with Ben, she has been saving money for their upcoming trip to Cuba. They're leaving next week.
Doo's mom, of course, has also retired from the bingo racket on a temporary basis. She's doing it for the same reason. Her and Doo's stepdad, Sticky are going to Cuba during the March school break. Young Doo will be staying with his grandmother for the entire period.
There will be no digging in the Sack that week, my friends.
***
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