Let's get ready to ramble. . . .
***
A few weeks ago, that Obama fellow from south of the border paid a visit to this land of Canuckleheads. He popped into Ottawa, the nation's capital for about seven hours. There was much ado about the matter in the media.
Oscar and Weed watched the whole thing on live daytime television. Both, of course, have the time for such endeavours. Weed recently became unemployed, while Oscar works from home. Even a seasoned eye would have difficulty telling their circumstances apart.
While Oscar and Weed are in general disagreement on most matters, both were very impressed by the new American leader. Weed said he would have no problem getting behind such an articulate, intelligent skipper.
"There's something about the dude that makes you want to be on his team," he said firmly.
Oscar nodded his agreement. He said it was a vast improvement on the previous American leader.
"Obama makes the other guy look like he had a brain injury or something."
Oscar became the first Sack resident to interact with one of them since the couple arrived here in late December. He informed Weed and your agent about the matter during a recent conference at the local coffee cathedral.
Apparently, Oscar encountered the male half of the couple outside in the Sack last week. The fellow was getting into his car as Oscar ventured out to the community mailbox.
According to Oscar, the man's name is Winston. Unfortunately, this was the extent of the information he was able to garner during their brief conversation. He said our new neighbour, Winston was remarkably reticent about revealing any information about himself or his partner.
Oscar and Weed watched the whole thing on live daytime television. Both, of course, have the time for such endeavours. Weed recently became unemployed, while Oscar works from home. Even a seasoned eye would have difficulty telling their circumstances apart.
While Oscar and Weed are in general disagreement on most matters, both were very impressed by the new American leader. Weed said he would have no problem getting behind such an articulate, intelligent skipper.
"There's something about the dude that makes you want to be on his team," he said firmly.
Oscar nodded his agreement. He said it was a vast improvement on the previous American leader.
"Obama makes the other guy look like he had a brain injury or something."
***
The Sack's new ghost neighbours are back on the radar screen.Oscar became the first Sack resident to interact with one of them since the couple arrived here in late December. He informed Weed and your agent about the matter during a recent conference at the local coffee cathedral.
Apparently, Oscar encountered the male half of the couple outside in the Sack last week. The fellow was getting into his car as Oscar ventured out to the community mailbox.
According to Oscar, the man's name is Winston. Unfortunately, this was the extent of the information he was able to garner during their brief conversation. He said our new neighbour, Winston was remarkably reticent about revealing any information about himself or his partner.
***
Oscar is blessed with the ability to meet people very easily. He's particularly good at putting people at ease and making a good first impression. Winston, however, proved to be a tough nut to crack. Oscar said the man was polite, yet distant. He laughed at Oscar's irrepressible wit at the all the appropriate places, but resisted any inquiries about his own life. At least, that's how Oscar described their meeting.
When asked about his occupation, Winston merely said that he worked "in business." Oscar couldn't believe the vagueness in his reply.
"That's like saying you're from Earth," said Oscar with a smirk, "when someone asks where you're from."
When asked about his occupation, Winston merely said that he worked "in business." Oscar couldn't believe the vagueness in his reply.
"That's like saying you're from Earth," said Oscar with a smirk, "when someone asks where you're from."
***
Oscar says the experience tells us that something nefarious is going on at Rental Doug's former abode. He said Winston and his partner are either involved in the espionage game or they're running a marijuana grow-op. He said he hasn't made up his mind on the matter.
"As soon as I get more information," said Oscar, with a wave of his donut, "I'll let you guys know what my final assessment is."
Weed said Oscar is probably right that the couple is involved in espionage. He said he has a good idea about the focus of their spying activity, too.
"They work for Oscar's main office in Toronto. They're here to check up on him and see what he does all day," he said with confidence.
Then he poked his own donut in Oscar's direction and added, "You, my friend, are about to get busted."
I remain doubtful about all of this.
"As soon as I get more information," said Oscar, with a wave of his donut, "I'll let you guys know what my final assessment is."
Weed said Oscar is probably right that the couple is involved in espionage. He said he has a good idea about the focus of their spying activity, too.
"They work for Oscar's main office in Toronto. They're here to check up on him and see what he does all day," he said with confidence.
Then he poked his own donut in Oscar's direction and added, "You, my friend, are about to get busted."
I remain doubtful about all of this.
***
Young Tremayne has paid another visit to the Wonders' front door.
Tremayne, of course, is the Sack's leading peddler of fundraising chocolate bars. In your agent's opinion, the boy is a legend in his field.
On this occasion, Tremayne was hawking chocolate bars in support of an upcoming school ski trip. He explained this in a dry monotone.
"A ski trip," I said cheerfully. "That sounds exciting."
Tremayne simply shrugged.
"Have you been skiing before?" I asked.
"Nope," said Tremayne. He was rummaging through his bag of fundraiser chocolate bars. I had already agreed to purchase one.
"Well, I'm sure you'll have a great time," I said hopefully.
Tremayne's face remained noncommittal. After accepting my cash and passing over my chocolate bar, he looked up and said, "If you don't go on the ski trip, you have to spend the whole day in the library."
"Ah," your agent replied, "that would suck." For the first time, Tremayne smiled.
"We're goin' on a bus," he said with his first hint of enthusiasm. "It's gonna take two hours to get there."
"That's a long drive, eh?" I answered.
"Yup," said Tremayne, "that's four hours altogether." A look of bold confidence suddenly appeared on his face.
"That's okay, though," he added, "because I'm gettin' a window seat."
Tremayne, of course, is the Sack's leading peddler of fundraising chocolate bars. In your agent's opinion, the boy is a legend in his field.
On this occasion, Tremayne was hawking chocolate bars in support of an upcoming school ski trip. He explained this in a dry monotone.
"A ski trip," I said cheerfully. "That sounds exciting."
Tremayne simply shrugged.
"Have you been skiing before?" I asked.
"Nope," said Tremayne. He was rummaging through his bag of fundraiser chocolate bars. I had already agreed to purchase one.
"Well, I'm sure you'll have a great time," I said hopefully.
Tremayne's face remained noncommittal. After accepting my cash and passing over my chocolate bar, he looked up and said, "If you don't go on the ski trip, you have to spend the whole day in the library."
"Ah," your agent replied, "that would suck." For the first time, Tremayne smiled.
"We're goin' on a bus," he said with his first hint of enthusiasm. "It's gonna take two hours to get there."
"That's a long drive, eh?" I answered.
"Yup," said Tremayne, "that's four hours altogether." A look of bold confidence suddenly appeared on his face.
"That's okay, though," he added, "because I'm gettin' a window seat."
***
Elizabeth, the second-in-command of the Sack's venerable Residents Society has delivered some new intelligence on the subject of Dirk's recent black eye.
Dirk, of course, is the dark lord of Burning Manor. His fragrant partner, Dora is the lady of the joint. Burning Manor is their Sack residence. It earned this moniker after their original house burned down. Before that, their place was simply known as the crazy house.
Recently, Dirk was observed bearing a rather nasty facial injury. Black, purple and yellowish bruises surrounded his right eye.
Sack observers have been stymied in their attempts to learn about the origins of Dirk's injury. At Tuesday Night Bingo, there are people who travel in Dora's complicated family and social networks. Apparently, they're always quick to provide the rest of the story whenever shenanigans occur at Burning Manor. Unfortunately, the Sack residents who frequent Tuesday Night Bingo haven't been in attendance. Both Norma and Doo's mom have given up the bingo in order to save money for their respective trips to Cuba.
Elizabeth, of course, does not attend Tuesday Night Bingo. Oscar says she wouldn't be caught dead at such a venue. He could be right about this.
Dirk, of course, is the dark lord of Burning Manor. His fragrant partner, Dora is the lady of the joint. Burning Manor is their Sack residence. It earned this moniker after their original house burned down. Before that, their place was simply known as the crazy house.
Recently, Dirk was observed bearing a rather nasty facial injury. Black, purple and yellowish bruises surrounded his right eye.
Sack observers have been stymied in their attempts to learn about the origins of Dirk's injury. At Tuesday Night Bingo, there are people who travel in Dora's complicated family and social networks. Apparently, they're always quick to provide the rest of the story whenever shenanigans occur at Burning Manor. Unfortunately, the Sack residents who frequent Tuesday Night Bingo haven't been in attendance. Both Norma and Doo's mom have given up the bingo in order to save money for their respective trips to Cuba.
Elizabeth, of course, does not attend Tuesday Night Bingo. Oscar says she wouldn't be caught dead at such a venue. He could be right about this.
***
The explanation about Dirk's black eye came to Elizabeth from a very unlikely source. As Weed put it, this marked the first time that news about the denizens of Burning Manor had arrived in such a fashion.
The details of the matter came from Dirk himself.
Elizabeth, of course, obtained this information in an equally unique fashion. She simply approached Dirk on his next-door driveway and asked, "What happened to your eye?"
According to Dirk, he took a spectacular slip on a patch of ice and then fell squarely on his face.
Elizabeth, of course, was left unsatisfied by Dirk's explanation. When she informed your agent about the conversation a few weeks ago, she smirked and said, "Of course, that bloody woman of his had nothing to do with it."
The details of the matter came from Dirk himself.
Elizabeth, of course, obtained this information in an equally unique fashion. She simply approached Dirk on his next-door driveway and asked, "What happened to your eye?"
According to Dirk, he took a spectacular slip on a patch of ice and then fell squarely on his face.
Elizabeth, of course, was left unsatisfied by Dirk's explanation. When she informed your agent about the conversation a few weeks ago, she smirked and said, "Of course, that bloody woman of his had nothing to do with it."
***
Our final bit of news also concerns Elizabeth. On Thursday, your agent motored into the Sack at the end of the workday. Her husband, Prince Philip was carefully escorting her down their front steps.
There was a noticeable cast on her left foot.
Oscar was quick to fill me in on the details of the matter. He said he had spoken directly to Prince Philip about the subject. Apparently, Elizabeth had taken a spill on an icy sidewalk near her job at a local psychiatric facility.
Prince Philip said his lovely wife suffered a badly broken ankle.
Weed says this is clear evidence of "karma in action." He could be right about this.
There was a noticeable cast on her left foot.
Oscar was quick to fill me in on the details of the matter. He said he had spoken directly to Prince Philip about the subject. Apparently, Elizabeth had taken a spill on an icy sidewalk near her job at a local psychiatric facility.
Prince Philip said his lovely wife suffered a badly broken ankle.
Weed says this is clear evidence of "karma in action." He could be right about this.
***
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