Synchronicity had been achieved.
I mentioned this to Little Doug. He gave me a quick, puzzled look and started to laugh. Then he changed the subject.
Little Doug told me he bought a big, plastic dustpan at the dollar store during his lunch hour. He said it was exactly what he needed for his garage. Apparently his previous dustpan was accidently thrown away.
Little Doug retrieved a bag from the back of his car. He removed a big, plastic dustpan. It was black and shiny. There was a sharp, sturdy rubber lip on its business end. Little Doug says this is exactly what you want in a dustpan.
Twice, Little Doug mentioned that he only paid a dollar for it. Only once did I remind him that everything at the dollar store is sold for a dollar.
The most important thing is that Little Doug was thrilled with his purchase of the dustpan. He said it was the "absolute highlight" of his day.
I said I was glad that something good had happened to him. "Thank you," he replied. Then he started to laugh again.
***
An almost-forgotten part of the Sack's summer soundtrack was replayed the other day.
It was almost three o'clock in the morning. A light fog had descended and the wind had vanished. It was quiet and still in the Sack. Weed says you can actually hear the sound of gentle snoring, the occasional sleepy cough or even a boisterous fart, if you walk through the Sack at this time of day. He could be right about this.
But the Sack's early morning stupor would be shattered on this day. It would be disturbed by an angry, snarling female voice. And it would be the voice of Dora, the baroness of Burning Manor.
She was trying to convince her big, barking and bored dog to come home.
***
Dirk and Dora had two dogs at the original Burning Manor.
First, there was the big, barking and bored dog. It was soon joined by a small, energetic brown dog.
Oscar named the little one, Doggy Baun. This was in honour of Bobby Baun, a hockey player from the 1960's. He scored the winning goal when the Toronto Maple Leafs won the Stanley Cup in 1962. He accomplished this despite a broken ankle.
Doggy Baun was hit by a car when he lived at the old Burning Manor. He always looked very heroic as he limped about with his permanently-damaged front leg.
***
Unfortunately, Doggy Baun hasn't returned to the new Burning Manor with Dirk and Dora. No one knows what happened to the little dog.
Hopefully, he's enjoying his dog life in a comfortable, happy home.
***
Dirk and Dora are avid patrons of one of the old town's less savoury drinking establishments. It's where they spend many of their evenings (and mornings).
When Dirk and Dora returned home in the wee hours to the old Burning Manor, the dogs would invariably escape when the front door opened. It was almost always Dirk's job to retrieve them. This was only mildly disturbing for Sack residents.
Occasionally, however, the task of catching the dogs would fall to Dora. She was well known for using a raucous daytime voice as she tried to corral the dogs during the early morning hours. She wouldn't even make an attempt to act as if she cared about bothering Sack residents.
Occasionally, however, the task of catching the dogs would fall to Dora. She was well known for using a raucous daytime voice as she tried to corral the dogs during the early morning hours. She wouldn't even make an attempt to act as if she cared about bothering Sack residents.
She would just call out to the dogs with an angry, persistent growl. It was an alarming way to be roused from one's sleep.
***
On this most recent morning, Dora was returning from the tavern on her own. Apparently, Dirk is working out of town for the next few weeks.
Dora returned to Burning Manor in a taxi. It wasn't hard to tell where she had been. She made a great deal of noise as she paid the driver and released herself from the back seat. Then she walked stiffly toward her front door.
She opened the door, oblivious to the canine escape artist who lurked inside. The big, barking and bored dog flew past her into the street. Dora continued into the house. It looked like she hadn't even noticed the dog.
***
Elizabeth, of course, witnessed this scene as it unfolded. She had been awakened by the taxi's arrival.
After several minutes inside the house, Dora must have realized that the dog was missing. She spent the next twenty minutes wandering through the Sack and calling out to the dog in a way that only Dora can.
She sounded like an angry, drunken auctioneer.
***
Dora started wandering onto other properties in search of the dog. Eventually, she found her way to Big Doug's place. She was actually walking on his grass.
Inside the house, Big Doug's big dog started barking with great fervour. For some reason, this seemed to annoy Dora. She started to hurl loud and nasty insults at Big Doug's dog.
No one can say how Big Doug's dog felt about Dora's verbal attack. The animal seemed to keep barking with the same frenetic pace. It wasn't hard, however, to figure out how Big Doug felt about the matter.
***
Big Doug's booming voice rained down from his upstairs bedroom window. It wouldn't be appropriate to repeat his exact words. One can only say that it involved shutting up and getting off his grass.
Dora reacted to Big Doug as if he was just another barking dog. She called him some rather derogatory names and made some shutting up suggestions of her own.
***
Suddenly, a third voice joined the fray.
It was Little Doug. He was standing in his front window. He was quite irate with Dora for causing such a racket. He told Dora that his daughter, Daisy was going to give birth any day now. He said she didn't need to be disturbed by such shenanigans.
Dora told Little Doug to shut his "cake hole."
***
Little Doug did not like Dora's response at all. Using the same colourful language as Big Doug, he suggested that she shut up and go home. He also told her to get off Big Doug's lawn.
That's when Daisy poked her head out of the upstairs bedroom window. She had awoken to the sound of her father's angry voice. She suggested in a very stern, but loving fashion, that Little Doug should shut up and go back to bed.
That's when Dora told Daisy to do some shutting up of her own.
***
Before Daisy could reply, a chorus of angry voices sang out. The discerning ear could pick out simultaneous retorts from Big Doug, Little Doug and, for the first time, the voices of both Oscar and Gordon. In the background, one could also hear the persistent barking of Big Doug's dog and the big, barking and bored dog from Burning Manor.
The human voices demanded that Dora shut up and go home. I've no idea what the dogs were going on about.
It was, to say the least, a grand moment in suburban living.
***
I watched this scene from our bedroom window. The headboard is against the window ledge. I can look out the window while resting my chin on the top of the headboard. It's not the most comfortable vantage point, but it will have to do.
Dora started ranting at everyone. Everyone kept telling her to shut up and go home. I started laughing and almost bit my tongue. This is one of the risks in resting your chin on a headboard.
I haven't bit my tongue for some time. You might even say I have a bit of a streak going.
No one could hear my laughter, anyway. Everyone was too busy telling each other to shut up.
***
I had to go to the bathroom quite badly during all of this. But I didn't want to miss anything.
Eventually, however, I had to go. I was starting to get a pain in my bladder. Apparently, this is not a good way to maintain optimum bladder health.
***
Thankfully, I didn't miss anything.
Dora was still calling out for the dog even has she hurled insults at her Sack neighbours. Somehow, she finally managed to coax it back onto the street. She was just about to lead it into the house when a peeler car entered the Sack.
Elizabeth had called the police on Dora.
***
Two peelers actually helped Dora bring the dog back into Burning Manor. Then they went inside with her.
Oscar, the two Dougs and Gordon continued to have a conversation from their respective windows. Mostly they were ranting to each other about Dora's audacity.
Eventually, their conversation ran out of steam. They exhausted the supply of adjectives available to describe Dora to each other. It wasn't long before they were repeating themselves.
That's when Little Doug asked Oscar if he had watched the hockey game on Monday night. The Edmonton Oilers lost their chance to win the Stanley Cup.
It was now well after three o'clock in the morning. Their discussion was being held as each stood in front of a window screen, facing each from across the street.
Before a minute passed, Daisy poked her head through the unscreened top window and called out to Little Doug and Oscar. She said if they wanted to talk so badly they should pick up the phone and do it. If not, she said they should both shut up and go to bed.
So that's what they did.
***
The peelers were inside Burning Manor for about half an hour.
When they left, Dora even walked out on the porch with them. It was clear they were very well acquainted with her. Oscar says a friend of his works as a peeler man. The friend says Dora is a "frequent flyer." I'm not sure if I want to know more about this.
Dora stood on the porch for a moment and watched them go. She seemed like she was much calmer than earlier. The Sack was quiet again, but a cool wind was filtering through the air. I was still watching from our top window. Everyone else had gone back to bed.
Arms folded, Dora took one last look around the Sack. It was dark, but the defiance in her face was still tangible. Then she turned around and walked into the house.
That's when the big, barking and bored dog went bolting past her again.
***
This time Dora did her dog corralling in pantomime.
She strode about in a half-run, gesturing frantically at the dog. The dog walked closer to her a few times, but then backed away when Dora moved in too quickly.
You could tell Dora was going to burst if she didn't start yelling out to the dog.
Fortunately, the dog suddenly came directly to Dora and allowed itself to be taken into the house. The show, at least for this night, was finally over.
***
Back at the Wonders' window, my bladder was getting full again. I think I'm drinking too much water, too late in the day.
Our digital cable was removed the other day. Already, this decision has paid off. I was solidly entertained for over an hour. There was drama, humour and excitement.
Of course, I didn't watch much digital cable at three o'clock in the morning. That's definitely a negative aspect of the whole affair. At least with television, you can always tape something and watch it later.
And it certainly would be a wonderful thing to tape such shenanigans while you're asleep. After a restful night, I could watch Dora's performance at my leisure. I could stop and start the tape with a remote, too.
My bladder would thank me for it.
***
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