So it's a good time to sort through a grab bag of recent Sack news.
***
Britney Bitterman has been blessed with a bouncing baby boy.
Oddly enough, this news came from Big Doug. Apparently, his wife is good friends with someone who works at the old town's maternity hospital. According to the friend, Britney had the baby on Tuesday afternoon.
When asked about the baby's name, Big Doug said he wasn't completely certain. But if he heard correctly, he thinks the baby's given name is Earl.
Oscar was quick to point out that wee Earl was born on 06/06/06. I am sure this was just a coincidence.
***
As Computer Doug predicted, Dirk and Dora's return last week was only the prelude to their actual moving date.
On Wednesday night, a U-Haul truck appeared in front of Burning Manor. Dirk and a few of his charming friends stumbled out of the vehicle and began to unload it. It was about ten o'clock in the evening.
It was also pouring rain at the time.
Elizabeth took great joy in watching Dirk and his pals struggle with wet furniture and boxes. She claimed that she did a rain dance in her living room as soon as the truck motored into the Sack. Although it was still raining at the time, Elizabeth said it started to rain even harder after she performed her dance.
I think this was probably a coincidence, too.
***
After a period of relative calm, two more broken tree branches lie in the Sack's centre circle.
The first one was broken by a friend of Dorian, Oscar's thirteen-year-old son. The boys were shooting hoops on Oscar's driveway. After sinking a shot, the friend leapt with great exuberance onto one of the circle's ornamental rocks. Then he tried to swing off the rock using the nearest tree branch. It was one of the thicker branches, so it made a loud crack when it broke. That's what got Gordon's attention to the matter.
Gordon went out to investigate. Dorian's friend is well over six feet tall and probably weighs close to one hundred and ninety pounds. He's only thirteen-years-old, according to Dorian.
Gordon accepted the boy's apology. Then he told the kid not to worry about it.
***
Nobody witnessed the damage to the second branch. Young Doo, of course, was seen in the area immediately after the branch was discovered.
This would not be a coincidence.
***
Little Doug has been making himself scarce lately.
According to Weed, this has nothing to do with the old town's inclement weather. Instead, Little Doug has been keeping a low profile because of his teeth.
Earlier in the week, Weed and Daisy noticed that Little Doug had been keeping to himself and didn't have much to say. Finally, Daisy asked him if there was anything wrong. After her father responded in a mumbling, garbled fashion, Daisy suddenly realized that Little Doug wasn't wearing his upper dental plate.
Little Doug was a bit evasive at first about the whereabouts of his upper plate. Finally, he admitted that he simply hadn't been able to find it for several days. He said he knew it was in the house somewhere, but had yet to run across it. Little Doug also said he was determined to locate it, because he didn't want to pay for a new one.
Daisy and Weed helped Little Doug look through the entire house, but they still couldn't find his upper dental plate.
***
According to Little Doug, he left it in his bathroom before he went to bed last Monday night. The next day, it was nowhere to be found.
Weed says Little Doug looks like he has eaten too many "knuckle sandwiches" when he isn't wearing his upper dental plate. He also says Little Doug talks like he has "marbles in his mouth" without them.
***
By the end of the week, it seemed clear that Little Doug's upper plate would not be found. Daisy told her father he would have to make arrangements to get a new one, whether he liked the idea or not.
It was at this point that Little Doug admitted that there might be one more place to look before giving up on his old dental plate. Apparently, the toilet in Little Doug's bathroom suddenly became clogged on Thursday. Even a plunger has been unsuccessful in loosening whatever is blocking the toilet. Now he's planning to dismantle the toilet completely on the weekend.
Apparently, Little Doug leaves his dental plate on top of the toilet tank each night before he goes to bed.
Weed says the clogged toilet and Little Doug's missing top plate cannot be a coincidence. I would have to agree.
***
3 comments:
Earl.
I guess babies have to be named Earl before they become grown ups.
But I can't help thinking he was born with a baseball cap with the logo of a seed company on it, and with a tin of wintergreen snuff in the back of his overalls.
Of course, that's pure prejudice on my part. I'm sure there's plenty of thoughtful, groomed, and erudite gentlemen out there named Earl. But outside the former Supreme Court Justice Warren, I can't think of a one.
Yeharr
Agreed. I've yet to hear the words "sophisticated" and "Earl" mentioned in the same sentence.
I'm hoping that Big Doug is wrong and Earl really isn't the baby's name. Of course, this means the name could actually be Merle, in which case we would have the same problem.
I was good friends with an Earl when I was growing up. I've yet to know another one. At the time, there was also a travel agency in Toronto called Earl Warren Travel. I'm pretty sure it had nothing to do with the Chief Justice of the US Supreme Court.
Something tells me Earl Bitterman won't become a famous judge or even own a travel agency. Of course, he could become a world famous candle pin bowler. Stranger things have happened. . .
I believe that was the first time the words 'world famous' and 'candle pin bowler' have ever appeared together in the same sentence.
Yeharr
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