Workin' On It

Some Sack shenanigans are thematic.

On occasion, several residents will have a similar problem at the same time. Or, they'll have a unique experience simultaneously, yet be in different places. In both cases, a common thread can tie the shenanigans together.

Last week, we spoke about three different peeler visits to the Sack. Four people, depending on your perspective, ended up on the lam. Themes of justice and freedom were suddenly dominant in the Sack.

Sometimes, people will be injured or suffer illness at the same time. Little Doug's tendency toward accidental self-harm and Mr. Bitterman's wonky gall bladder invite a recurring health theme.

A food motif has also emerged on different occasions. We've had a mysterious muffin, a murderous banana peel and even an errant caesar salad. And we mustn't forget the local penchant for maple sugar donuts.

Environmental issues are common as well. The countless broken branches in the Sack's centre circle are like the plaintive cries of a dying planet. Shenanigans have also been spawned by the Sack's hurricane experience and our once-frequent snowstorms.

Justice, freedom, health, food and the environment are only a few examples of themes that emerge through the misty ennui of cul-de-sac living. If I really put some thought into it, I could probably name a few more.

But I don't feel like thinking right now.

So instead, let's take a look at the world of work.

You know you want to.

***

Jeff Christ is a relatively new Sack resident.

Last summer, he moved in with Ben and Norma. Ben's brother, of course, is Jeff's dad. Jeff moved here from Cornerbrook, Newfoundland and Labrador.

(Your agent was in St. John's, Newfoundland and Labrador last week. I was there against my will. My plane flew there because of the old town's heavy fog. St. John's, of course, isn't anywhere near Cornerbrook. So, there really isn't any point in taking this interjection further.)

Jeff's plan was to save some money while he awaited news of his acceptance into the Canadian Forces. Apparently, this process can take considerable time. It also disproves, according to Oscar, the theory that one can awaken from a drunken haze as an Ordinary Seaman in the Canadian Navy.

***

Jeff Christ has proven to be an industrious young fellow. At first, he had trouble finding a full-time job. But he was quick to find two part-time jobs.

"Part-time plus part-time equals full-time," he told us once. Jeff Christ is also very good at math.

One of the jobs was at an Old Navy store. Florence, the Wonders' next-door neighbour, went Christmas shopping there last year and encountered young Jeff.

She said Jeff Christ was "a right gentleman" throughout her shopping experience. This was no surprise.

Jeff Christ is a fine young man.

***

Jeff's second part-time job was at the local Canadian Tire store. You can buy just about anything for your house or automobile at Canadian Tire.

The stuff you really need, of course, is usually locked behind a glass panel. Either that, or the stuff won't be in its proper place. Then you have to locate one of the store's staff to find it for you. Then you're screwed.

But that doesn't happen when Jeff Christ is working. He'll find what you're looking for.

Jeff Christ will fix you up.

***

According to plan, Jeff Christ has been saving money while he awaited news from the Canadian Forces.

Last Monday, however, Jeff found a full-time job at the local call centre. It's the same call centre where Weed spends his time. At least, that's how Weed describes his own activities at the centre.

Jeff, according to Ben, was elated by the call centre opportunity. He's scheduled to start next week. Although the money isn't as good as a Canadian Forces salary, it pays a great deal more than his two part-time jobs. He will also get to use his computer and technical skills.

***

On Wednesday, Jeff Christ received a registered letter. It was from the Canadian Forces.

It appears they're now inviting Jeff to sign up for a three-year contract. He would start basic training in St. Jean, Quebec in June, if everything meets with his satisfaction.

Ben said Jeff was also elated when he finally received his offer from the Canadian Forces.

***

Now Jeff Christ has a dilemma. He's elated by two different job opportunities. And he's having trouble making a decision on the matter.

Even though a military career had been the boldest blip on his radar screen, Jeff has admitted to some second thoughts. The call centre position is very appealing to him. And he's not sure if he wants to end up serving in Afghanistan.

Ben, of course, is a senior cook with the Canadian Forces. He said he'd love to see the boy sign up with "the mob."

"It's one of the few places, these days," he said, with a serious look, "where you can end up with a decent pension."

But Ben is also supportive of the notion that Jeff might choose to do something else. Ultimately, he'd prefer that Jeff does whatever makes him happiest.

"A decent pension's the least they can do for some of the crap you have to put up with," he admitted.

***

So Jeff Christ is in a quandary.

Oscar called it a moral dilemma. That might be a bit extreme, though. Jeff just has to make a choice about happiness.

There isn't much time, of course, for Jeff to make his decision. The military expects a response within thirty days. This gives him less than a month to decide if the call centre is where his heart truly lies.

We'll let you know what happens.

***

Weed says it's a "no-brainer" that Jeff Christ will ultimately decline the military's invitation.

According to Weed, Jeff Christ is the J. Christ. That would be same One who's expected to star in the Second Coming. Weed's belief happens to be coincidental to Oscar's view of Rental Doug as the earthly figure of Satan or, at the very least, one of the Dark One's close henchmen.

Your agent, of course, remains doubtful about both theories. But it's doubt cushioned by the utmost respect for Jeff Christ.

It's always good to be on the safe side in these matters.

***

While Jeff Christ is awash in employment opportunities, Computer Doug has seen his own fortunes plummet.

Two weeks ago, he was informed of an immediate layoff at his workplace. Computer Doug, of course, was employed in some form of computer-related activity. His company, he told us, is on the verge of going "tits up."

A modest termination package has been granted, but there is no escaping the reality of the situation. Computer Doug is now unemployed.

***

"Dazed and philosophical." That's how Oscar described Computer Doug's demeanour when he encountered him in the Sack last week.

Computer Doug was on his driveway during a weekday. This, of course, is a very rare event. Oscar, who is mysteriously employed at home, was quick to notice the incongruity of such a picture. He went out to chat with Computer Doug immediately.

While the layoff was not entirely unexpected, Computer Doug said he has never been unemployed during his entire adult life. He doesn't know what to make of this new state of affairs. At the time of their conversation, he said he was going to the local mall, just to occupy some time.

Computer Doug, according to Oscar, doesn't know what to do with himself.

***

On the other hand, Computer Doug said he was partially excited by the notion of unemployment, as long as it's temporary. This is because his former job "partially sucked."

While the money was reasonable and the work was relatively enjoyable, Computer Doug said his boss was a bumbling moron.

A new opportunity, he explained to Oscar, might be just what the doctor ordered.

***

Oscar, of course, is elated by Computer Doug's sudden unemployment.

He says this will give him someone to play with during the day. He has the time to do so, because of his ability to complete eight hours of work in less than two hours. This skill allows him to have plenty of extra time on his hands.

But Computer Doug, according to Oscar, will need some training in "unemployment management," if he's going to be adept at passing time in the Sack during the day. He'll need to build some routines that will keep life interesting. Oscar says this will include regular outings to the local coffee cathedral, twice-weekly luncheons in the downtown quarter and a regular golf outing during the summer months.

Of course, inviting Computer Doug to join him in idle leisure will be a challenging task for Oscar. I pointed out that Computer Doug tends toward solitary activities like music, movies and computer games. Conversation and jocularity are not exactly his strong suit.

"True enough," Oscar replied. "By the looks of things, I'm gonna have some work to do."

***