Saturday Snapshot

It's gone.

The flattened bag of dog poop near the Sack's centre circle has finally disappeared. Your agent made this discovery last Sunday afternoon. It was the proverbial icing on the cake after a fabulous spring day.

I walked into the house and informed Mrs. Wonders about the matter. She smiled and nodded her approval.

Then she said, "I know."

Earlier in the day, Mrs. Wonders had been toiling in the small garden in the centre circle. She saw the bag of poop and with a gloved hand, placed it in our garbage bin. She was aware of my frequent ruminations on the matter.

"It's time for you to move on," she told me, her arms folded in front of her.

She was right, of course. Over the past month, I've made almost daily remarks about the continuing presence of the dog poop near the Sack's centre circle. Mrs. Wonders said she was growing increasingly tired of the subject.

So, I'm moving on, man. I'm putting the dog poop behind me.

The page has been turned.

***

Last Saturday was the epitome of a perfect spring day. For the entire day, it was bright and sunny. There were robins everywhere. By the early afternoon, you could feel the full warmth of the sun on your skin. Later in the day, a slight, cool breeze wafted through the neighbourhood.

The Sack was alive with activity. People were outdoors in good numbers. Many were engaged in various forms of home maintenance. A group of kids was cavorting around the centre circle. You could actually hear the excited chirping of goldfinches and other birds as they flitted between the trees that line the street.

Your agent was perched on the front step of the Wonders' home. There was a cup of tea beside me. I was taking a break from puttering around the yard. The shed had already been cleaned out and a broken exterior light repaired.

I cast a wide, panoramic glance around the street, capturing the images of people at work and play. Today's missive, describes this brief snapshot of Sack life on a sunny, spring day.

***

Computer Doug was walking toward his car. He was dressed in a crisp, black business suit. He also wore a brilliant turquoise dress shirt. It was open at the neck.

For over a month, Computer Doug has been unemployed. He was laid off by his previous employer. Last week, however, he found another job. His new position has something to with computers. It's with a company that has some kind of vague connection to the computer industry.

At least, that's how Oscar described it to me.

Although it was Saturday, Computer Doug had a meeting scheduled with his new boss. Apparently, he needed to sign some papers to officially accept the new position. That's why he was looking sharp on a spring Saturday.

Oscar says Computer Doug acquired his turquoise dress shirt on eBay. He could be right about this.

***

Meanwhile, Big Doug was raking the thatch from his award-winning lawn. He was wearing a pair of blue coveralls and work boots. He also wore a pair of grey work gloves. A red baseball cap topped off his ensemble.

Big Doug was dressed for some serious yard work.

A dark green wheelbarrow sat at the top of his driveway. It wasn't your ordinary garden implement, either. It was a luxury-model wheelbarrow.

The garage door was open. A bright industrial light brought the interior into view. The garage was filled with tools, lumber and machinery. Nevertheless, the entire space was immaculate. Everything, it seemed, was in its proper place.

Big Doug is an organized man.

***

Jeff Christ was busy on the driveway of Ben and Norma's house. He was stripping an antique chest of drawers. His uncle Ben tells me that Jeff Christ is very good at woodworking.

Earlier, Jeff's task had been interrupted by a visit from young Doo. The boy was on his bike at the time. Whenever there's fixing afoot, the lad is sure to poke his nose in for a look.

Jeff must have noticed something amiss with Doo's bike. It wasn't long before the bike was upside down on the driveway and some repairs were in progress. When Jeff was finished, Doo mounted his bike again and rode off with a look of satisfaction on his face. Jeff Christ stood on the driveway and gave the boy a friendly, farewell wave.

Jeff Christ is a very fine fellow.

***

Weed tells me that Jeff is doing very well at the local call centre. Within a matter of months, he was promoted to team leader. Weed has been working at the same call centre for almost eighteen months. He has remained in the same entry-level position.

"I don't think I'm team leader material," he told me with a grin.

Weed says everyone at the call centre thinks Jeff Christ is a very fine fellow, too.

"Chicks dig him," he said, smiling, "and all the guys want to be his friend."

***

Meanwhile, Gordon was sorting through a large box as he sat on his front steps. The box was filled to the brim with outdoor solar lights.

Gordon, of course, has the world's largest collection of solar lights. During the summer months, he's on constant patrol to ensure they're in working order.

The outdoor solar lights remain as Gordon's primary contribution in the battle to reverse global warming.

***

Doo's stepdad, Sticky was also outside. Using a hand spreader, he was disbursing pelletized lime on his front lawn.

Sticky, of course, is a bus driver with the old town's transit system. He puts in a lot of overtime at his job, sometimes working seven days a week. It's a rare event to see him around the Sack.

I haven't seen Sticky in ages.

Oscar says Sticky has aged considerably since moving in with Doo's mom. He thinks it might have something to do with living in the same house as Doo. Oscar called it the Doo Effect.

I hope it has more to do with working long hours.

***

Little Doug was also involved in home maintenance activity. He was perched on a stepladder at the front of Oscar's house. One of the digits on Oscar's house number had loosened. For the last six months, it has been hanging askew.

Oscar had grown fond of the house number's crooked appearance. He said it was an appropriate metaphor for the inherent madness of cul-de-sac living. His wife, G.W., however, had a different opinion on the matter. She wanted it fixed.

Oscar had gone to Little Doug's house and asked for the loan of a screwdriver. Within seconds, Little Doug had offered to make the repair himself.

This, of course, is the best way to get Little Doug to fix something for you.

***

While Little Doug straightened the house number, Oscar was nowhere to be seen.

A gentle wisp of smoke was drifting from the back of his house. Oscar was on his back deck, grilling hotdogs on his barbeque. Earlier, he said he had awoken with nothing but hotdogs on his mind. This became the priority on his to-do list for the day.

"When I get an itch," Oscar had told me earlier, "I gotta make sure it gets scratched."

***

Oscar's boy, Dorian and a few of his friends were playing basketball near the Sack's centre circle. Every year, these boys become broader and taller. They're also much more accomplished at basketball.

Young Doo had resumed his frenzied bike-riding activity. He had organized a small ramp made of scrap wood. He was trying to ride off the curb and then down the ramp. Each time he tried to accomplish the feat, the ramp would collapse.

Doo was starting to look frustrated.

The Sack's two twelve-year-old cowboys were in their usual western garb. Both were wearing bandanas across their faces. They were scurrying after two slightly younger girls, trying to lasso them.

Instead of western-style lassos, the two cowhands were using pink skipping ropes.

***

From the vantage point of the Wonders' front step, this panoramic image of the Sack revealed a peaceful, contented suburban neighbourhood. There were no obvious signs of shenanigans.

But there were shenanigans.

At first glance, nothing seemed to be amiss at Burning Manor. The house looked quiet and unassuming. The car was in the driveway and the front window blinds were open. There was no sign of anyone on the outside.

But then you would notice the front door of Burning Manor. It was wide open. A tiny ginger-coloured kitten stood tentatively on the threshold. There was no sign of Dirk and Dora.

***

If you looked at the house beside Burning Manor, you would've noticed another relevant detail. The big, barking dog was standing in the middle of Elizabeth's lawn. The dog was motionless as it faced the front of her home.

Elizabeth was standing at her window. She had her hands on her hips. She was locked in a staring contest with the big barking dog.

And there was still no sign of Dirk and Dora.

***

Clearly, someone had entered Burning Manor and neglected to close the front door. I was quite certain that Dirk was away at his job on an oil rig. This meant that Dora was likely the guilty party.

Nevertheless, the kitten and the big, barking dog had wandered outdoors without detection.

This state of affairs continued for about fifteen minutes. The big, barking dog continued to occupy Elizabeth's front lawn. They were still staring at each other. The dog's mouth was open and his tongue was hanging out. He looked like he was smiling.

Elizabeth, of course, was still frowning.

***

Jeff Christ had also been watching this scenario. He walked over to Burning Manor and shooed the kitten back into the house. Then he walked calmly toward the big, barking dog and easily directed it back to the open door.

With the animals now safely in the house, Jeff knocked on the open door. After a moment, I heard him call out with a polite, yet forceful greeting.

But there was still no sign of Dora.

***

After ringing the doorbell a few times, Jeff Christ backed away from the door and returned to Ben and Norma's house. He soon returned with Ben. The two men approached the door and then cautiously entered the house.

Nothing happened for about ten minutes. I was about to return to the backyard to resume my chores. The bird feeders were in need of replenishment. Before I could leave, however, I heard the distant sound of a siren. The sound grew closer and louder. Suddenly, an ambulance motored into the Sack.

It stopped in front of Burning Manor.

***

Two paramedics walked purposefully into the house with a stretcher. No sooner had they entered, when a fire truck roared into the Sack with its siren blaring. It pulled in directly behind the ambulance.

Sack residents stood frozen for a few seconds in the warm sunshine. This sudden commotion seemed incongruent with the normalcy of a beautiful Saturday afternoon.

Eventually, residents of all ages inched toward Burning Manor to learn more about the matter. Even Oscar was moved to join the crowd. He walked purposefully from his backyard toward the commotion in front of Burning Manor.

He was carrying a hotdog in his hand.

***

People gathered across the street from Burning Manor. Young Doo was bursting with enthusiasm at the sight of the fire truck. His step dad, Sticky had to corral him back toward the sidewalk. In that moment, Sticky did look like he had aged considerably.

Perhaps he is suffering from the Doo Effect, after all.

About five minutes later, Ben and Jeff Christ emerged from Burning Manor. They were followed by the paramedics and a single female firefighter. Dora was strapped onto the stretcher. She was awake, but seemed unaware of the commotion around her.

Later, Ben would tell us they discovered Dora on her livingroom couch. She was fast asleep. Efforts to rouse her were only partially successful. She was awake, but quite incoherent. Unable to make sense of her ramblings, Ben decided to call the emergency services.

It was suspected that Dora had been mixing alcohol with some prescription medications. One of the paramedics said he was familiar with her. He said he had dealt with Dora on several occasions at different locations. He described her as a pain in the ass.

It was about one o'clock in the afternoon.

The ambulance carted Dora off to the hospital and the fire truck quickly departed. Dora would return home in a taxi about five hours later. She appeared to be, as Oscar described it later, "as right as rain."

***

After the commotion ended, Sack residents milled about on the street in front of Burning Manor for a few minutes. People expressed their continuing frustration and amusement with Dora's shenanigans.

Eventually, everyone wandered back to their previous activities. Oscar went back to his barbeque and Little Doug went to finish his repair of Oscar's house number. Jeff Christ started working on Norma's antique chest of drawers again, while Big Doug resumed his efforts to prepare his awarding-winning lawn for another summer.

Sticky started to put lime on his lawn again, while his stepson, Doo took another crack at building a solid bike ramp. The basketball game near the Sack's centre circle resumed and the twelve-year-old cowboys tried to lasso a pair of squealing girls with their pink skipping ropes.

It was like the shenanigans had never happened at all.

***