Catching Waves

The weather was brisk in the old town on Sunday afternoon. I wore a thick pullover and was grateful for the work gloves on my hands.

I stood on the Wonders' driveway in preparation for some season-ending chores. The lawn needed its semiannual dusting of lime. And the outdoor furniture needed dry shelter for the winter. This included the Muskoka chairs on the front porch. Oscar and I sit there during our show.

But now it was time to close things down for the winter.

***

It was remarkably quiet around the Sack.

The only one who stirred outdoors was Big Doug. For two hours, he toiled around his own yard in preparation for winter's arrival. Watching him from my front window was what moved me to do the same.

Now Big Doug stood on his lawn with his hands on his hips. He bore the look of a man whose labours are complete. His face was set in defiant accomplishment. It simply dared the world to accuse him of idleness.

***

I gave Big Doug a friendly wave from across the street. I don't like to brag about such matters, but I'm very good at friendly waving.

Big Doug, of course, is also very good at waving. He raised a thick left forearm and made a brief waving gesture. Then he seamlessly turned the wave into a quick salute. If I'm not mistaken, Big Doug's meaty paw was formed in a perfect Cub Scout salute.

This is the way Big Doug always returns a wave. Oscar says it's one of the big man's trademarks. Without doubt, it's a very distinctive and authoritative gesture.

***

The subject of waving, of course, was recently addressed on our show. It occurred during our season-ending edition.

Weed introduced the topic. Then he presented his most recent theories about waving in the Sack. He said he had been observing the matter for some time.

According to Weed, almost everyone in the Sack has a distinct waving style. He says no two people seem to be alike in this regard. In this way, he says we're very much like snowflakes.

(Oscar says Weed almost always mentions snowflakes when two things are seemingly identical, but really aren't. He thinks Weed's use of this particular metaphor is "chronic." Of course, Oscar has the same thing going on with dryness and the Gobi Desert. And, I must admit, I'm just as guilty when it comes to pie and things which are easy.)

***

To illustrate his point, Weed quickly ran down a list of various Sack residents. In each case, he noted their distinctive waves.

Oscar, he observed, eschews the traditional wave in favour of pointing. Weed says it's a style frequently used by politicians when they respond to a cheering crowd. When politicians see someone they know in the audience, they point directly at the person. Weed says the individual is usually someone who donated large sums of money to the politician. He could be right about this.

Oscar, of course, says this is all nonsense. He said got the idea for his "pointing wave" from watching Mick Jagger.

***

Ben, on the other hand, is more of a traditional waver. With fingers splayed, he moves his outstretched arm back and forth like a windshield wiper.

And Florence, the Wonders' next-door neighbour, uses a tighter, window-washing movement when she waves.

Weed says Jeff Christ has a compelling "minimalist" waving style. It consists of a motionless, upturned palm. Apparently, Jeff adds an almost imperceptible nod to his wave. Weed says it's really more of a hail, rather than a wave. But either way, he thinks it's a very peaceful, warm gesture. He could be right about this, too.

***

Another distinctive wave, according to Weed, belongs to Elizabeth.

Like her regal namesake, Elizabeth's wave is very genteel. She cups her right hand and makes a slow, gentle, rotating motion.

Weed says Elizabeth is not one to initiate waves. In fact, he says she'll only return a wave if she's at a higher altitude than the wave initiator. Weed says he has yet to see her wave from anywhere other than her elevated front porch.

***

Observing the waving habits of Sack residents has caused Weed to take a critical look at his own waving practices.

Although it was difficult to admit, Weed finds his own wave to be "pedestrian, at best." He said he's going to take some time and experiment with a few new waves.

"If I'm lucky," he said hopefully, "I'll come up with a wave that suits me."

Out of curiosity, Oscar asked Weed to demonstrate his existing wave. Weed took a quick look around the Sack and then quickly performed the gesture. Oscar looked at Weed and nodded.

"Yeah, you're gonna have to get rid of that," he said sagely.

***

Weed says he has three waves that he wants to "try on for size."

The first wave is a conventional "thumbs up" affair. It's a simple, distinct and friendly type of wave, he explained, but it may not be useful in every situation. A good wave, according to Weed, can be used under any circumstance.

The second wave is the well-known "A-Okay" sign. Weed says this wave is simple and carries a positive message. He admitted that the "A-Okay" wave was one that he was definitely learning toward.

Of course, Weed claims that he'll give the other waves a fair chance, nonetheless. I told him this was the least one could expect from him.

***

Weed remains uncertain about the third "test wave."

He knows that it will involve a pantomime pistol shooting. He just hasn't decided whether he'll do it with one imaginary pistol or two.

I told Weed that I would lean heavily toward the one-pistol wave, if I were he. Oscar agreed. He said Weed would be "going overboard" if he walked around with a two-pistol wave. Weed looked very doubtful about this.

***

It only took about an hour for me to finish my season-ending chores.

I returned to the front yard and looked out upon the Sack. Big Doug was nowhere to be seen. Aside from the Sack's two cowboy kids, the neighbourhood remained in a Sunday stupor.

With my work complete, I decided to summon Big Doug's look of defiant accomplishment. I placed my hands on my hips and grimaced in the manner Big Doug had demonstrated earlier. I was barely aware that Mrs. Wonders had arrived in the driveway.

She stared at my look of defiant accomplishment and then asked if I was suffering from a toothache.

***

After Mrs. Wonders went into the house, Oscar motored into the Sack. Weed was sitting in the front passenger seat.

Oscar opened the driver's door and stepped onto the driveway. He looked over toward me and gave his patented "pointing wave." At the same time, Weed emerged from the passenger aside. He walked around to the rear of the vehicle and gave me one of his experimental waves.

It was a two-pistol gesture.

I flashed them both a peace sign. This has been my wave for some time now. I think I'm going to stick with it.

***