Snakes and Ladders

Monday was Thanksgiving Day in the old town. It was like that for the rest of Canada, too.

It was a national holiday.

And if anyone deserved thanks on that day, it was the person in charge of the old town's weather. It you could imagine a more glorious day, then you're a better man (or woman) than I.

Thank you, Jeff Christ's Dad.

***

It was early afternoon on Thanksgiving Day.

Mrs. Wonders and a visiting friend were enjoying the summer-like temperatures on the back deck. A bottle of red wine had just been opened.

I walked into the living room and stood in the front window. I was considered my options for the afternoon. There were any number of minor household maintenance activities deserving of my attention. Home ownership invites a never-ending list of work to be done.

There were several intellectual pursuits on the menu, as well. Is there a better way to spend an afternoon than in the lazy pursuit of knowledge?

And, of course, the blogging machine beckoned. The Sack's inbox is always filled with news and untold tales. Only a full-time scribe could keep up with the complete tales of Sack shenanigans.

Finally, leisure activities were also open for consideration. This included a gentle nap in the sun-filled splendour of the upstairs bedroom.

But then I noticed Oscar and Little Doug standing on Oscar's driveway.

***

Oscar was pointing at something on his roof. Little Doug had his hands on his hips. He was nodding his head slowly as he listened to his neighbour.

It looked like Sack business was going to occupy some of my time, instead. Oscar was getting ready to put Little Doug to work on his roof.

***

It would be unfair to say that Oscar has no particular home maintenance skill. In truth, one can only say that he has never been observed in the act of any significant labour around his own property.

So it's possible that Oscar is actually a very skilled tradesman.

But it's also very unlikely. Nevertheless, Oscar has been able to keep his home in relatively good repair. His success, of course, is directly attributed to his ability to convince Little Doug to do the work for him.

***

Little Doug and things that require fixing seem to gravitate toward each other. It seems impossible for him to walk past something that needs repair without lending a helping hand. In the end, he does the bulk of the work himself.

His propensity for such matters may have something to do with his ability to fix almost anything. It may also have something to do with the fact that he owns the right tool for just about any repair job.

If you were on a space voyage, Oscar says Little Doug is exactly the kind of man you would want aboard your spaceship. If you crashed on the moon or on a distant planet, he says Little Doug could probably find a way to fix the spaceship and get you back to Earth.

I remain very doubtful about this.

***

But Little Doug is good at fixing things.

Oscar was the first to realize that Little Doug can be easily enticed into a home repair or maintenance task. The first step is to ask him for advice or the loan of a particular tool. Little Doug will be unable to contain his interest in the job. Within mere minutes, he'll be carrying out the repair himself.

Of course, Little Doug often performs these acts of kindness at the expense of his own property. At any given time, Daisy says her father has at least three household jobs left partially completed. Weed says Little Doug is like a famous chef who doesn't like to cook for himself.

He could be right about this.

***

On this particular day, Oscar decided that he needed to have some new shingles attached to his roof. The old shingles had blown away during Hurricane Juan in 2003. Only about eight shingles needed attention but Oscar said it was a job of some importance. He could give no reason why the matter was just receiving his attention now.

"I guess it just came up in the rotation today," he said with a shrug.

***

Houses in the Sack are tall and narrow. Cavorting on Sack roofs is not for the weak of stomach.

Little Doug is renowned for his ladder-climbing enthusiasm. A ladder has yet to be invented that could keep him from its rungs. As a result, he's a popular man when it comes to roof repair.

He's also the only person in the Sack who owns a ladder capable of reaching anyone's roof.

***

While Little Doug is known for being good at climbing ladders, he is also recognized for being good at falling from them. Last year, he fell about six feet and broke his arm. This event alone made him a contender for last year's Doug of the Year (DOTY) award.

Little Doug shyly admits that he has fallen from ladders in the past. But he says last year's fall was the only one that resulted in any significant injury.

So despite this recent history, Little Doug volunteered to climb on Oscar's roof and put on the new shingles. He regarded the matter as something akin to riding a bicycle. If you fell off your bike, he argued, you should get right back on it. That way, he said earnestly, you don't lose your nerve.

This would make sense, I told him, if he owned a bike that stood twenty feet high. That's when Oscar said I should mind my own business.

***

Word of Little Doug's plan to climb onto Oscar's roof seemed to filter through the Sack.

By the time Little Doug brought his ladder around to the side of Oscar's house, a gaggle of residents had accumulated on Oscar's driveway. Ben was there along with a bemused Jeff Christ. They had just returned from the local coffee cathedral. Jeff Christ was carrying a takeout tray that contained three cups of coffee. Apparently one of the cups was meant for Norma.

Ben said they saw Little Doug with his ladder as they walked into the Sack. He said it had been a very quiet Thanksgiving so far. So watching Little Doug work on Oscar's roof seemed appealing to both of them.

Weed had materialized on Oscar's driveway as well. He had noticed the gathering from his window and decided to investigate. He was wearing pyjama bottoms and a dress shirt. He said this particular combination of clothing is perfect for him when he's at home.

"I'm pretty much ready for any eventuality," he said, looking down at his lime green dress shirt and his red flannel pyjama bottoms. "If you want to go downtown for a while," he said, snapping his fingers, "I'll be ready to go twice as fast as anybody else. And if you just want to chill for a while, I'm almost there, too"

I remain doubtful about this.

***

Florence was standing near the Sack's centre circle, along with "Hurricane" Helene, her South Korean boarder. Apparently, Helene had never seen a man fall off a roof before. According to Oscar, such behaviour is frowned upon in South Korea.

I remain doubtful about this, too.

Not surprisingly, young Doo was also seen in the vicinity of Oscar's driveway. He has a nose for anything relating to the building trades. Watching someone climb a ladder is right up his alley.

I'm not sure what Doo would think if he witnessed someone fall from a ladder. But something tells me that he would approve.

***

The Sack's two cowboy kids were also in attendance for the ladder-climbing.

Rental Doug's blended family kid and a trusty Sack pal enjoy dressing as cowboys at every opportunity. Weed said the cowboys had heard about a hanging planned for the Sack. Apparently they were disappointed to learn that only a ladder-climbing was on tap.

Nevertheless, they stayed on Oscar's driveway to witness Little Doug's climb.

***

So there was a little bit of a circus atmosphere as Little Doug began his ascent onto Oscar's roof.

Thankfully, Little Doug successfully scampered up the ladder and replaced Oscar's shingles without incident. He received a round of polite applause when he climbed back down.

Then young Doo asked if he could take a turn on the ladder. Oscar told the boy to "knock himself out." Fortunately, Little Doug shooed the lad away from the ladder with a friendly pat on the shoulder.

***

Even after Little Doug had put his ladder away, people still lingered in the area of Oscar's driveway. In fact, even more Sack residents had emerged from their homes.

Big Doug had started to wash his truck. Oscar says Big Doug has the cleanest truck in the entire Western Hemisphere.

He could be right about this.

***

Elizabeth had joined Florence and "Hurricane" Helene near the Sack's centre circle. She was reciting for Helene every Japanese word she knows. Apparently, Elizabeth knows more than twelve words of Japanese.

Helene, of course, is from South Korea. So she just smiled and nodded at Elizabeth. This was the same reaction she gave Oscar when he asked for her opinion on the proliferation of nuclear weapons in Asia.

***

The Sack cowboys had permitted young Doo to join them in some western hijinks. Doo's a very willing participant when older Sack kids invite him into their play.

In this case, he had agreed to act as a bucking bronco. Doo was running in a zigzag pattern with the cowboys hot on his heels. Each was trying to cast a thin plastic rope and lasso the younger boy.

Eventually, they caught him and wrestled him onto Computer Doug's lawn. The last time I looked, Doo was squealing with excitement as the cowboys tried to tie his ankles together.

***

In the midst of this, Oscar's boy, Dorian had emerged with two of his friends. Each of the boys has undergone a recent growth spurt. At thirteen years of age, they're now taller, leaner and a bit more confident.

The boys began to shoot baskets on Oscar's driveway.

***

So Little Doug's adventure on Oscar's roof was the catalyst for bringing Sack people out of their homes on Thanksgiving Day.

In the grand scheme of things, the ladder-climbing provided only mild amusement. It was really just a conduit for Sack people to interact with each other in larger numbers. They just need a common focus to bring themselves together. Ladder-climbing is as good a reason as any.

Oscar says this is why Burning Manor is actually very good for the Sack. He says it gives everyone a sense of unity in the face of a common annoyance.

He could be right about this.

***

After putting his ladder away, Little Doug revealed a very important piece of information. Apparently, Oscar had asked him to attend to a second task while he was on the roof.

According to Little Doug, you can see the Atlantic Ocean from the roof of Oscar's house. He was asked to confirm this when he reached the top of the ladder.

Oscar was ecstatic to hear this news. In fact, he admitted that Little Doug's second assignment was really the chief reason for climbing onto his roof. He said the addition of the new shingles was a mere bonus.

The ability to see the ocean from one's home, according to Oscar, could add up to fifty thousand dollars to the value of Sack homes. An ocean view, he argued, is an ocean view. It doesn't matter how much effort is required to obtain it.

I remain doubtful about all of this.

***