***
According to Oscar, there should be an entrance exam before taking residence in a cul de sac. Not a difficult exam, of course, but one that would ensure adherence to the most minimum of behavioural standards within this suburban bubble.
***
Where to begin in describing the life and times of Burning Manor? I suppose it began with the most simple of suburban annoyances.
Shortly after taking possession of the newly built Burning Manor, this rather scruffy-looking couple acquires a big dog. Let's make that a big, barking dog.
Shortly after taking possession of the newly built Burning Manor, this rather scruffy-looking couple acquires a big dog. Let's make that a big, barking dog.
The big, barking dog soon becomes a fixture, tied for all hours on the front lawn of Burning Manor. The big, barking dog does what any self-respecting canine would do in a similar situation; he barks madly at everything that moves and escapes from his prison with increasing regularity.
***
Residents of The Sack quickly become perturbed. Several residents have confrontations with the woman from Burning Manor.
They quickly learn that she is not a woman to be trifled with. They also learn that she has a proclivity for swearing, threatening and the spraying of copious amounts of saliva.
They quickly learn that she is not a woman to be trifled with. They also learn that she has a proclivity for swearing, threatening and the spraying of copious amounts of saliva.
***
The big, barking dog was not a bad dog, even though he did bite me once. During one of his frequent escapes from custody, I endeavoured to make friends with him. In his enthusiasm, he bit me on the right hand.
Still, he wasn't a bad dog. He was just a big, barking and bored dog.
Still, he wasn't a bad dog. He was just a big, barking and bored dog.
***
As the big, barking and bored dog became the source of much frustration in The Sack, a new twist occurred. The cheerful couple from Burning Manor acquired a second dog.
The new dog was much smaller. I'm not even sure if it had the capacity to bark. It did not appear to require confinement, because it was left to roam freely on the front lawn. The big, barking and bored dog seemed pleased to have a companion. He barked less, but he escaped more often.
***
One day, the little dog ran away from The Sack. Sadly, on one of the main roads, a car struck it. The little dog suffered a leg injury and, thereafter, would walk with a significant limp.
***
In 1962, the Toronto Maple Leafs won the Stanley Cup. During the deciding game of the series, veteran defenseman, Bobby Baun apparently suffered a broken leg. Incredibly, Bobby Baun somehow returned to the game and scored the winning goal. This is the stuff of legends.
***
Thanks to Oscar, the little dog became known as Doggy Baun. I still laugh everytime I hear this. I even laughed when I typed it. However, I will admit that one would need to be a pretty big Toronto Maple Leafs fan to appreciate such an obscure reference. This is probably why only Oscar and I laugh ourselves silly over it.
***
Back in The Sack, complaints to the Animal Control folks began to mount. Soon, the dogs were relegated to the back yard of Burning Manor. Barking and escaping continued, but to a much lesser degree.
Indirectly, however, the big, barking and bored dog continued to be part of another problem. The couple from Burning Manor had a penchance for spending long hours at a local tavern. I have no trouble with this.
Upon returning home in the wee hours, however, the dog would invariably escape through the front door as the couple stumbled in. It seemed as if they would be surprised to discover that they even owned a dog, each time they returned from the tavern.
***
Whenever the big dog escaped onto The Sack at 3 a.m., he enjoyed himself immensely. His favourite game appeared to be 'Hide and Seek'. The harder the drunken couple would look for the dog, the more it seemed to relish its freedom. I have no trouble with this, either.
***
The woman from Burning Manor was really the problem.
While searching for the dog at 3 a.m., she would call out for it using a raspy, slurred 'day-time' voice. Many a nights sleep have been interrupted in The Sack by this voice.
At the risk of threats, cursing and saliva, some residents would yell at her from their darkened homes. Others would slam their windows with gusto, a move that, inevitably, proved far too subtle for her to understand.
While searching for the dog at 3 a.m., she would call out for it using a raspy, slurred 'day-time' voice. Many a nights sleep have been interrupted in The Sack by this voice.
At the risk of threats, cursing and saliva, some residents would yell at her from their darkened homes. Others would slam their windows with gusto, a move that, inevitably, proved far too subtle for her to understand.
***
It has now been one week without sleep interruption on The Sack.
***
Next: Burning Manor (Part II): "Friends and Foes"
***
1 comment:
Is your neighbor's noisy dog getting you down? Too much barking? Post it here at the Barking Dog ATLAS.
Post a Comment