We took drink on my front steps, even though the early evening hours are still rather frigid. The first long weekend in May is always the first for many outdoor activities. It's when many people in the old town go to their cottages or go camping for the first time. For others, it's the first day to do serious yard work.
For Oscar and me, it's the time to take the show back outside.
During the evening, we had two guests on the show. Computer Doug was walking outside to put some empty pizza boxes in his compost bin. He saw us sitting on my porch and quickly decided to become our first guest. Later on, Little Doug joined us for a short cameo appearance.
Computer Doug was wearing a pair of brown suede slippers, a red Rolling Stones T-shirt and a pair of brown pyjama bottoms. The pyjama bottoms were covered in small images of cartoon grasshoppers.
According to Computer Doug, the pyjama bottoms are one-of-a-kind. He bought them on eBay a few months ago.
***
Oscar, Weed, Little Doug and your friendly agent took a leisurely stroll to the coffee cathedral on Saturday afternoon. Little Doug received his income tax refund the day before. He was going to buy everyone an iced cappuccino.
On the way back to the Sack, we encountered a small poster attached to a telephone pole. The poster was on plain paper and obviously produced by a laser printer. In large bold letters was the word, "WANTED." In smaller letters was the following:
"Information about the whereabouts of the trampoline taken on May 16th from 21 Pleasant Street. And who took it."
A phone number was listed so citizens could provide information on the missing trampoline. And who took it.
***
Little Doug made sucking noises with the straw that came with his iced cappuccino.
***
Trampoline thieves are obviously in the area. Pleasant Street is not far from the Sack.
This is the first time any of us had heard of trampoline theft. One can imagine that a trampoline mustn't be an easy thing to purloin. Nor would it be something that is easily hidden.
According to Oscar, if the trampoline thief was a local person, he would have to keep the trampoline under wraps for some time. A trampoline theft would still be fresh in people's minds, so it would be too risky for the thief to simply set it up in his own backyard.
Six months, Oscar said, would be the minimum length of time to hide the trampoline. After that, people's minds would wander to other things and it would probably be safe to put it out in the open.
***
Weed thought six months was a preposterous length of time to keep a trampoline hidden.
Three months would be more than enough time, in Weed's opinion, for people to forget about the missing trampoline.
Oscar and Weed began to argue about the minimum length of time needed to hide a stolen trampoline. Meanwhile, Little Doug told me that his daughter, Daisy used to own a small exercise trampoline. Apparently, she bought it one night after seeing it on a television infomercial. Little Doug says Daisy and Weed used to have a nasty habit of buying things from television infomercials while under the influence of marijuana. Most of the purchases were things neither had any use for.
On the positive side, Little Doug said, Weed and Daisy's soon-to-be-born child is expected to get "Hooked on Phonics" before he or she ever sees the inside of a classroom.
***
Little Doug said Daisy only used her small exercise trampoline a few times.
She told Little Doug it didn't work properly. Eventually, it began to attract dust in their garage. When the Sack held a street sale last year, Little Doug put it on the open market.
According to Little Doug, the trampoline sold to a tall and very obese man who drove up in a battered Volkswagen Golf. The man wore an enormous pair of black pants and a white tent-like T-shirt. Little Doug said the man was sweating profusely and had trouble getting in and out of the car.
Little Doug said the man was very pleased to buy the exercise trampoline. He said he'd been looking to buy a used one "for months."
The man paid five dollars for the trampoline. Little Doug says he hopes nothing bad happened to the man when he tried to use it.
***
No one expects the stolen trampoline to be recovered.
Weed says the theft is really a bad omen for Sack dwellers. It's a forewarning that summer will bring strange and inexplicable shenanigans to the Sack.
"Trampolines" he said solemnly, "are nothing but trouble."
***
2 comments:
I'm guessing there was no trampoline. I think these Pleasant Street people are merely on the prowl for a trampoline on the cheap. As soon as they see a likely-looking tramp in the area, they'll jump on it, figuratively speaking.
Yeharr
I hadn't consider that. . . man, you just can't trust those non cul-de-sac people. Pleasant Street indeed. . .
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