Holidays in the Sun

Carribean beach resorts are like summer camps for grownups. They're probably quite similar throughout the region and certainly, they don't reflect much about the country and people where they're located.

A beach side resort is where we spent most of our time while in Cuba

So the following observations about the country will hardly rival what you might find in a Michelin guide.

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On average, Cuban women are strikingly beautiful.

Mrs. Wonders is in full agreement with this assessment. She thinks the men are no slouches, either. I would have to agree.

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From a typical North American perspective, the standard of living for most people we saw in Cuba appeared to be below par. I'm told that some food items continue to be rationed. In Havana, tourists drew persistent attention from people asking for money or trying to sell roasted peanuts, worthless "commemorative coins" or bogus Cohiba cigars.

The people I saw in Cuba didn't, however, seem to be starving. People seemed quite healthy, fit and vibrant. In the short time we were there, we didn't see anyone suffering from obesity, either.

So whatever one might think about the Cuban government, they're doing something right when it comes to the public health. And some people would say that a nation's wealth is best recognized by looking at the health of its people.

Maybe Cuba has something it can teach about health care to western capitalist countries.

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In Havana, I was besieged by two old men playing small plastic guitars. Neither man's guitar had a complete set of strings. And neither man seemed familiar with how the instrument was played. Of course, this didn't stop them from frantically plucking at the strings.

The two men were dressed in bullfighting outfits. They also wore sombreros. The bullfighting outfits had clearly seen better days.

The men tried to corner me against a wall while they sang in unison. They were planning to serenade me whether I liked it or not. At the end, I would be expected to give them a few pesos each for the privilege.

The song the men were singing was "La Cucaracha."

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At first, I was captivated and confused by the sight and sound of the men. Even if I tried, I don't think I could have imagined such a sight.

The thought of it now still leaves me feeling slightly unnerved.

Eventually, I regained my senses and took quick action to elude the two men. As I explained to Oscar when I returned to the resort, I gave the men a double-right head fake. Then I darted to the left.

I've always been good at eluding things.

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Doo was right about the ice cream in Cuba. I tried some at our resort and found it wanting.

I think I owe the boy a cone.

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Mrs. Wonders and I went on a guided tour of Havana with a small group of people. In the group was people from Canada, Mexico, Italy, Slovakia and Britain.

Our guide was an affable former teacher named Lorenzo. He was passionately knowledgeable about his city and country. He seemed to know the date of every significant event in Cuban history.

He knew the dates of a lot of insignificant events, too.

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Even though the trip to Havana lasted only a day, it was a memorable experience.

Havana seems to pulse with a sense of history, even though not all of it, unfortunately, is pleasant. There are some beautifully restored buildings, some dating back centuries. And, of course, the impossibly well-maintained American cars from the late fifties, give the city almost a surreal look.

There are also a lot of old Soviet-era vehicles. These ones don't seem to be carrying their age as well as the American ones.

The most bizarre vehicles are known as "camel buses." They function as part of the public transportation system around the city. Apparently, they sometimes hold up to three hundred people at a time.

Lorenzo said that riding in a camel bus is an experience much like Cuban cinema. Both, he explained, would provide you with sex, violence and intrigue.

Then he asked if we'd like to take a ride in one. We told him we'd just take his word for what it might be like.

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The second last stop on our tour was supposed to be Revolution Plaza. I'm told this is where Fidel Castro engages in passionate oratory for the benefit of the Cuban people.

On this particular day, the police were blocking the entrances to the historic place. According to Lorenzo, Fidel, himself, would be making an address to the faithful within a matter of hours.

As we learned later, it wasn't just Fidel who would be speaking. He would be joined by Hugo Chavez, the president of Venezuela and the recently elected president of Bolivia, Evo Morales.

Both men lead populist, democratically-elected socialist governments. They must be the first new friends Fidel has made since the Russians wandered away in the early nineties.

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It would have been an interesting life experience to be in the audience while Fidel and the two other men spoke. Unfortunately, only the party faithful were being admitted to this particular gathering.

Oscar says I should have declared my membership in the Sack Resident's Society. He thinks I would have been admitted into the gathering had I did so.

I remain very doubtful about that.

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Fortunately, the speeches were shown on Cuban television.

Fidel, Hugo and Evo spoke for considerable periods. Even without knowledge of Spanish, it was easy to hear the passion in their voices.

Every now and then, each of them would say these same two words:

"George" and "Bush."

In Spanish, it seems these words are always spoken while jabbing one's fingers emphatically in the air.

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Even casual observation leads to the firm conclusion that Mr. Bush is not held in very high esteem by the Cuban government. Billboards and wall murals with his name and caricature are plentiful, especially in Havana.

The "Bush Plan" seems to be a matter of great consternation.

Apparently, this plan involves the invasion of Cuba and the return of property taken from Americans after the Cuban revolution.

Oscar said he couldn't understand what the fuss was about. He thinks it's highly unlikely the Americans will invade Cuba anytime soon.

"Perhaps," Oscar said, as he sipped on his rum punch, "Fidel hasn't noticed that George's troops are kind of busy right now."

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We also saw billboards decrying the fate of the Cuban Five. Many of the billboards were placed where they would be easily seen by international visitors. Inside the airport in Varadero, there was a huge wall mural devoted to the five men.

It's fairly clear that the Cuban government wants everyone to know about this story. They don't think these Cuban nationals received a fair trial in the United States. They would like to see the men returned to Cuba.

Of course, Cuban-Americans would have a lot to say about people being held prisoner in Cuba, too.

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On the road to Havana, one can also see socialist slogans on billboards and wall murals. It's quite a thing to see.

The signs encourage people to work hard and be determined, steadfast and strong.

It's hard to gauge the tone of the slogans, however. Sometimes the words look patriotic and jubilant. On other occasions, the words read more like a demand from the government.

I suppose it's probably meant to be a mixture of the two.

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The best part of the trip to Cuba didn't have anything to do with Cuban history, politics or geography. It didn't have anything to do with George Bush, either.

The best part of the trip was the water slide located at one of the resort's swimming pools.

It had been a long time since I'd been on a water slide. I've been spending so much time trying to be a grown-up, I forgot about water slides completely.

I don't think I'm going to make that mistake again.

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The water slide wasn't very big. In total, it was about twenty feet high and it only took mere seconds to spin through it into the water. Most people would hydroplane for a few feet before landing in an area of the pool not far from the swim-up bar.

It was exhilarating and refreshing.

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It was impossible to go down the slide once. I had to use it at least three times in succession, before I would go back to sun-soaking.

In the beginning, Mrs. Wonders and I would go down the slide and then I would immediately say, "Lets do it again!" And so we would.

Later, my words shrank to a determined but simple "Again" each time I emerged from the water. Near the end of the trip, I just made a beeline for the water slide stairs without saying anything at all.

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It would be interesting to know if Fidel Castro and George Bush have ever been on a water slide before.

Something tells me both would like it a great deal.

Fidel has always been the swashbuckling type. I suppose you would have to be if you were in the business of carrying out a revolution. It probably wouldn't take much to convince him to give a water slide a try.

George Bush is supposed to be an avid mountain bike rider. In his younger days, I'm told he was fond of college hijinks. Something tells me he would be up for a ride on a water slide.

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Maybe George and Fidel could get together for an afternoon at a pool.

They could have some fun together on the water slide. Maybe it would even help them find a way to get along together.

If it worked, maybe George could invite that Iranian president over for some water slide fun.

He looks like he could use it.

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Next: A few more things about Cuba.