The War of the Hoses

Relations between Burning Manor and the rest of the Sack worsen daily. Oscar says the whole matter is destined to end badly.

He could be right about this.

***

It started a number of weeks ago with the dog.

That's when Dora went ranting about the Sack looking for the big, barking and bored dog. It was three o'clock in the morning at the time.

Nasty words were exchanged. The peelers were called. Dora was left with a ticket for failing to have the dog on a leash.

It didn't take long for her to retaliate.

***

Over the following week, the old town's animal control people received complaints about four other Sack dogs. Each complaint said the dog in question had been seen running about the Sack without the benefit of a leash. Each complaint came from Dora.

The individual dog owners, of course, were outraged. None of the dogs had ever been a source of concern to anyone. Neither had any ever scampered about the Sack at three o'clock in the morning.

***

Even though the complaints were obviously unfounded, Roger (the animal control fellow) said he was obligated to investigate. He also said Dora would be warned about the possibility of charges against her, if she persisted in making false complaints.

This might have been the end of the matter, if not for Big Doug. His dog was one of the canines Dora complained about.

There is one thing that is useful to know about Big Doug. He is not a man who is accustomed to being the target of other people's complaints. As Oscar likes to describe it, Big Doug doesn't get in trouble with people. People get in trouble with Big Doug.

***

A day after Dora complained about his dog, Big Doug was driving past Burning Manor when he noticed her on the porch. He stopped his car and walked directly to where she sat on the front step. Then he asked her why she was poking her bony nose in his business.

It was around this time that Dora called Big Doug "a frickin' dick dog."

***

Aroused by raised voices, Elizabeth appeared on her porch next door. She couldn't resist lobbing a few unpleasantries at Dora for her continued shenanigans. It helped to know that Big Doug was firing at Dora from the other flank.

Dora swore, hissed at both of them and then retreated into Burning Manor. When she opened the front door, the big, barking, bored dog darted past her and toward Elizabeth. When the dog began to jump at her, Elizabeth apparently squealed with equal measures of fear and anger.

As she tried to push it away, the dog nipped her on the arm. Later, she would show the bruise to others as if it were a battle scar.

Dora finally corralled the dog and then more harsh words were exchanged. Elizabeth eventually made her way in the house and called the peelers.

In the end, Dora received another ticket for failing to keep her dog under control. The fine, I'm told, was close to two hundred dollars.

***

A week later, Dora sent another volley in Elizabeth's direction.

Out of the blue, Elizabeth received a call from a senior detective with the old town's peelers. He wanted to speak to her informally about Burning Manor.

The next day, the plainclothed peeler came to visit. According to Elizabeth, they had tea in her kitchen. The peeler explained that Dora was making persistent calls to the police with the following accusation: Elizabeth was the horrible soul who had torched Burning Manor last year. Motive? She bore hatred for Burning Manor's canine residents.

***

Of course, the detective knew this was all preposterous. But apparently Dora's complaints had gone all the way to the chief of the peelers. The detective had been asked to carry out a summary interview in hopes that it would placate Dora enough to make her go away.

Before leaving, he took note that Dora had been ticketed twice for dog infractions in quick succession. Added to this latest accusation and the bogus complaints to animal control, he said Dora was at risk of being charged with mischief.

***

A few more quiet days passed. Then Dirk and Dora decided to build a fence around Burning Manor.

Ordinarily, Elizabeth would have been thrilled to hear about this development. She is on record with her preference for seeing as little of Dirk and Dora as possible. If a fence created this state of affairs, Elizabeth would've been all for it.

Unfortunately, she has decided to show everyone in the Sack her nurturing side, instead. In this case, I mean her ability to nurture a grudge.

***

To build a fence, Dirk and Dora require permission from their next door neighbours. Elizabeth has decided that she'll do everything in her power to stand in their way.

When Dirk approached her about the fence, Elizabeth apparently said, "Not in this lifetime."

Oscar said she might've added a sinister laugh, but he wasn't certain about it.

***

The next time Dora saw Elizabeth, she said she was going to sue Elizabeth "for harassment."

Elizabeth said she laughed in Dora's face and said, "I thought your lawyer only handled criminal law."

Apparently, this barb "went right over the witch's head." At least, that's how Elizabeth phrased it.

***

A few days of peace ensued.

Some people saw it as an unspoken truce. But others knew it was only the calm before the rest of the storm.

Yesterday, Elizabeth discovered that her garden house had somehow found its way onto a portion of Burning Manor's rear lawn. Naturally, she went to retrieve it.

Later in the day, Oscar and Weed were sitting on Little Doug's front porch. They watched as a peeler car entered the Sack and stopped in front of Burning Manor. Two peelers knocked on the door and then waited for ages before a dishevelled Dora finally let them in.

After about fifteen minutes, the peelers emerged from Burning Manor and then knocked on Elizabeth's door. They were inside for the better part of an hour.

***

Elizabeth says she had tea with the two peelers.

One of the officers had a digital camera that allegedly belonged to Dora. On the camera's display screen was a picture of Elizabeth in Burning Manor's back yard. It had been taken when she went to retrieve her garden hose. Dora had complained that Elizabeth was trespassing on her property.

She wanted the peelers to press charges.

According to Elizabeth, the peelers recognized that Dora was becoming an increasing nuisance around the Sack. Nevertheless, they seemed reticent about taking any decisive action. One of the officers even hinted that this wasn't the first time the peelers had "been down this road" with Dora.

They reminded Elizabeth to stick to her own backyard and keep a close eye on her garden hose. They told her not to do anything that might inflame the situation.

Elizabeth told them she would do her best. But she also said she wasn't going to "make any promises" that she won't take a shot at Dora if the opportunity arises.

Thankfully, she meant the "complaint" kind of shot and not the "bullet" kind. Although, with the first anniversary of Burning Manor's first demise on the horizon, anything, I suppose, is possible.

***