A Blue Hue

Is there a winter equivalent to the "dog days" of summer?

That's what Oscar was wondering today. He says everyone, including himself, seems to be in a gray midwinter funk.

I don't know if there's an equivalent for "dog days." I could ask my friends at Wikipedia, but I just don't feel like it.

Oscar says he's going to call it the "rat days" of winter, unless someone tells him otherwise. I told him he could call it whatever he likes.

I don't give a damn, either way.

***

There is, unfortunately, some truth to Oscar's observation. There doesn't seem to be too many smiling faces around the Sack this weekend.

Ben, for example, wore a mixture of nausea and disgust on his face while he unloaded groceries from his car on Saturday afternoon. Apparently, he was deeply affected by the outcome of a hockey game at the Olympics. Canada is a favourite to win a second straight gold medal in hockey. On Saturday morning, however, the team lost to Switzerland.

Although the team is still in the running to win the gold medal, Ben says there can only be "gloom and doom" ahead. Losing to Switzerland, he pointed out, is the equivalent of American major league baseball players losing to Australia.

Ben said it was bad enough to be watching a hockey game on television in the morning. He said it was like eating pancakes for supper.

***

Norma, Ben's wife, thinks he takes the Olympics too seriously.

She said Ben spends most of his free time watching the games on television. Other than hockey, she said he normally doesn't watch sports at all. The Olympics, she added, is a whole different "kettle of fish," as far as Ben is concerned.

Over the course of the Olympics, Norma said Ben gets caught up in the triumphs and disappointments of the different competitors. Although he tends to favour Canadian athletes, Norma said he's just as likely to root for a skier from Luxembourg or a figure skater from Britain.

Regardless of whom he might root for, Norma thinks Ben should try to take the results in stride.

Unless, of course, you're talking about Canada's loss to Switzerland, she added. Norma said she felt sick to her stomach when the game was over. She felt so bad, she had to send Ben out to get the groceries by himself.

***

Weed was also surrounded by an aura of dreariness.

He said he was having a 2.4 day (on a scale of one to ten) when Oscar and I encountered him at the local coffee cathedral on Saturday. Since he began his sophisticated day-rating system, he said he has yet to score below four on any given day. This includes the days where he labours at the call centre. On weekends, he said he has never fallen below six.

On an optimistic note, Weed conceded that almost half the day was still remaining. There was still a chance for things to get better. He said he was going home to watch the Olympics on television. He had been taping all of the live action, so he could settle in and watch it at night. He had successfully avoided any news about the day's results.

He said he was really looking forward to watching the hockey game between Canada and Switzerland.

***

Weed said the weather was the biggest reason for his funk.

Not only is it bitterly cold, but it's also very windy. This puts everyone in a bad mood, he explained, because we have to "stiffen our muscles" every time we walk outside. Stiff muscles, according to Weed, are one of the leading causes of a bad mood.

Weed said he was also in a bad mood because the coffee cathedral was out of maple sugar donuts. He said this was like adding an insult to injury.

***

Maxwell has made himself scarce this week, according to Weed.

Normally, Weed said he would run into Maxwell at least once a day at the coffee cathedral. But he hasn't seen him since Monday. Oscar said he has only seen Maxwell once or twice this week around the Sack. In both cases, he was leaving the Bitterman house on foot.

Maxwell is supposedly working as roofer, as he waits for his painting business to get off the ground. Mr. Bitterman used his connections to get Maxwell the roofing gig, even though Maxwell holds the roofing fraternity in very low esteem. During his first week as a roofer, Maxwell only made it to work for three and a half days.

Weed says he has no idea how many days Maxwell worked this week. However, Daisy told him she saw Maxwell at the food court in the local shopping emporium on Thursday. She said it was midmorning and Maxwell was sitting at a table with two older men. One of the men apparently had a prosthetic arm.

***

Of course, it's possible that Cutlass Supreme Painting is now up and running and the roofing business is safely behind Maxwell. He could have been having a business meeting in the food court with some prospective customers.

Oscar says this is very unlikely. First of all, he hasn't seen a 1993 Cutlass Supreme around the Sack this week. This will be the first clue, Oscar says, that Maxwell has joined the entrepreneurial class.

He also recalled that Maxwell has a candlepin bowling uncle who's one arm short of a pair. The bowling lanes are also found at the local shopping emporium. It's more than likely, Oscar surmises, that Maxwell was bowling instead of roofing on Thursday.

He's probably right about that.

***

Gordon doesn't need bad weather to push him closer to the black hole of misery. He seems to have a talent for getting there on his own.

This week, Gordon is irate with the old town's waste management professionals. Apparently, there was a problem when they came to pick up his recyclable materials on Friday.

One of the "recycling scavengers" who hunt through the Sack's garbage "went a little too far" with Gordon's blue bag. Somehow, his small bag of soft drink cans was pilfered and replaced by someone else's bag of cardboard containers. The waste management professionals refused to take the bag, since this particular cardboard belongs in the compost bin. Compost bins aren't picked up until next week.

***

Gordon tried to explain that the bag didn't belong to him, but this made no difference to the waste management professionals. They said they wouldn't take the bag even if it was owned by the mayor himself. Now Gordon has to wait until next Friday before he can rid himself of someone else's garbage.

What bothered Gordon most about the whole affair was the attitude of the waste management professionals. He said they made no effort to maintain "good customer relations" with him.

There was one particular "sullen punk" who irked Gordon the most. His response when Gordon tried to explain his garbage dilemma?

"Tough titties."

***

Oscar and I roared with laughter when Gordon told us about the guy's response. When we told Weed about it, he almost spilled his coffee. If the coffee cathedral wasn't out of maple sugar donuts, he surely would have sprayed donut shreds around the table. There is definitely a bright side to a maple sugar donut shortage.

In fact, there's usually a bright side to everything, even in the midst of a midwinter funk. Of course, some people have more trouble than others finding the bright side of things. That's just the nature of people, I suppose.

Of course, sometimes there seems to be no way of taking a different view of things. We just have to grit our teeth and hope things get better.

Tough titties, indeed.

***