Bright Lights

Cold weather has returned to the old town.

Finally, it feels and looks like February. If our previous mild winter weather was evidence of global warming, Oscar says he's willing to burn as many fossil fuels as possible to help things along. Big Doug would probably be in favour of this, too. He could tend to his lawn for the entire year, if this neck of the woods became a tropical environment.

I think I'll just put on an extra sweater for now.

***

Maxwell now has a week of roofing work under his belt.

Actually, it wasn't exactly an entire week. Three and a half days would be a more precise figure. Weed, the Sack's leading authority on all things Maxwell-related, provided this information during a recent chat at the local coffee cathedral.

Maxwell started his job as a roofer on Monday. Mr. Bitterman, future grandfather to Maxwell and Britney's unborn child and Maxwell's new landlord, used a connection to catapult him into the work force. Weed says Maxwell is now referring to Mr. Bitterman as his father-in-law.

***

According to Maxwell, he worked on Monday and Tuesday. Late on Tuesday afternoon, he claims that he suffered a "strained rib cage" while dismantling some scaffolding. By Wednesday morning, he said he could barely move, so he took the day off.

He forced himself back to work on Thursday, but decided to be on the safe side by taking Friday off. This would have given his strained rib cage a full three-day rest, he explained to Weed.

Unfortunately for Maxwell, he was called into the job site before noon on Friday, despite the condition of his rib cage.

***

Maxwell says the guy who runs the roofing crew is "a bit of an arsehole."

Apparently, this is the norm in the roofing business. At least, that's what Maxwell explained to Weed. Fortunately, Maxwell doesn't expect to spend much time working under "arseholes" for very much longer.

Cutlass Supreme Painting, the business Maxwell has been threatening to unleash on the old town, is apparently on the verge of becoming a reality. If everything goes according to plan, he says it will be up and running as early as next week.

According to Maxwell, his cousin has a very good friend who knows someone connected to a new four-story apartment building in the old town. Maxwell says there's a very good chance that Cutlass Supreme Painting will secure the gig to paint the new apartment units.

Weed says listening to Maxwell is better than watching television by a long shot.

***

Ben and Norma quit smoking at the beginning of the year.

Norma tells me that Ben has been nibbling on sunflower seeds as a way of coping with his tobacco craving. Unfortunately, she keeps finding the shells from Ben's sunflower seeds all over their house. She said she had to make Ben vacuum the interior of their truck twice last week because of the debris.

Oscar was relieved to hear this story. It explains why he has been noticing sunflower seed shells in front of the community mailbox across the street from the Sack. Until now, Oscar thought we had another food mystery on our hands.

***

Florence may soon be hosting another foreign student in her home.

She does this several times a year to make some extra money. She also enjoys the company and likes to learn about other cultures. Last year, she had two young South Korean teachers stay with her for varying lengths of time.

Florence isn't sure about the nationality of her next student or even when the boarding arrangement will occur. She's still waiting to hear back from the placement agency. But she's hoping it will be a German student this time. She says she hasn't hosted a German before and would like to give it a try.

Oscar would like to see Florence host another Israeli student. A few years ago, a young Israeli woman stayed with her for three months. The young woman was here to learn English after completing her service in the Israeli military. She was a very attractive young woman.

Oscar didn't wear his pyjamas outside in the Sack for the entire time the young Israeli woman was here.

***

Finally, Gordon has found something new to sink his teeth into in his role as grand poobah of the Sack Resident's Society.

The street light in front of Little Doug's house isn't working. Gordon has been calling and sending email to the old town's civic offices all week in an effort to have it repaired.

Little Doug, of course, is probably thrilled about the malfunctioning street light. It shines directly into his bedroom window. He has tried in vain to convince the old town to have it removed. Officials have suggested that he simply buy better curtains for his bedroom window. They also told him there must be a certain distance between street lights for safety purposes. Removing the light would apparently plunge the Sack into a state of dangerous dimness.

***

Gordon is quite aware of Little Doug's dislike for the street light.

He's also upset with the state of Little Doug's side yard. The abandoned lawn mower that serves as the centre piece to the mess in Little Doug's yard is covered in snow. Only the handles are visible now.

In his own defense, Gordon says his efforts to have the street light repaired have nothing to do with Little Doug. He says it's important to maintain good order in the Sack. If you let things fall into disrepair, he claims, vandalism and thievery will soon follow. Apparently, this is how New York City bounced back from near oblivion a few decades ago. Gordon says if this approach was good enough for New York City, it must be good enough for the Sack.

Of course, everyone knows it's all about payback for Little Doug's messy yard.

***