Branch Manager

It now looks like it will be only a matter of days, if not hours, before Burning Manor is occupied by Dirk and Dora once again.

The back deck was finished on Friday. The security lock on the front doorknob has been removed. Everything, with the exception of landscaping, looks complete. Oscar doesn't think the landscaping will be done until May.

Sack people expected to see Dirk and Dora move in on Saturday. Now, some predictions are calling for Monday as the move-in date. Others think it will be on April 1. These people tend to appreciate irony far more than those calling for Monday.

Either way, the Sack holds its breath in anticipation.

***

It's finally gone.

An errant Christmas tree branch has been a fixture around the Sack over the last few months. It was about four feet long and thick with pine needles.

It's unclear where the branch came from originally. One assumes it came from a discarded Christmas tree. Mrs. Wonders says it could have been a piece of one of the Christmas "weefs" that young Doo was selling on behalf of his "wimmin' cwub."

Either way, no one seemed willing to acknowledge ownership of the branch.

***

The branch first appeared at the foot of the Wonders' driveway in early February.

A fair amount of discarded garbage had been found around the Wonders' driveway prior to the appearance of the Christmas tree branch. So when I ran across it, I was a little bit miffed.

I flung the branch into the Sack's centre circle.

It would've been easy to place it in my compost bin. But like I said, I was a bit miffed. Sometimes it's hard to do the right thing when you're miffed.

***

It's uncertain how long the branch remained lying in the Sack's centre circle. It was probably covered with snow at least once. Over the ensuing six weeks, the branch filtered its way through the Sack, where it was handled by at least four other residents. On Friday, the branch finally found its way into the back of a compost collection truck.

Independent reports on the branch have now been patched together. The result is a best guess on its circuitous path through the Sack.

***

Gordon appeared to be the next recipient of the Christmas tree branch. He said he found it on his lawn one day.

If there is something on Gordon's lawn that wasn't placed there by Gordon himself, one can expect the offending object will be discovered and removed immediately. It was sheer luck that Gordon didn't see how the branch found its way to his lawn.

Jimbo is the Sack's twelve-year-old informant on the nefarious activities of other Sack kids. He could've told Gordon that the branch was tossed on his lawn in the course of some typical kid shenanigans.

But Gordon didn't think to ask Jimbo about the branch.

***

Gordon assumed the branch came from a discarded Christmas tree belonging to Little Doug.

Little Doug, according to Gordon, is "famous" for having his Christmas tree around for months. He's also famous for "losing control of his garbage." At least, that's what it looks like from Gordon's vantage point.

***

Of course, Gordon is already miffed over the state of Little Doug's side yard. A lawn mower has been sitting in the middle of the yard for the entire winter. According to Gordon, he's not the only one who is upset about it. He says Big Doug can hardly bring himself to talk about the matter without feeling faint.

Either way, Gordon was miffed about finding the branch on his lawn. He flung it onto Little Doug's lawn without a moment's thought.

***

Little Doug thinks he found the branch about two weeks ago.

He had the day off from work to attend his final diabetes class at the old town's general hospital. Little Doug said he was thrilled to discover there wasn't any exam involved in the class. He hadn't looked at much of the reading material. He said his daughter, Daisy has really "boned up" on diabetes, so he hasn't had to worry about knowing much about it.

The diabetes class ended early in the afternoon, so Little Doug had some free time on his hands. Feeling inspired by the class, he decided to take a walk down to the coffee cathedral.

That's when he noticed the branch on his lawn.

***

Little Doug wasn't miffed when he found the branch on his lawn. He is not a man who is easily miffed. A more even-tempered man would be hard to imagine.

He was quite certain, however, about the branch's origins. Oscar, according to Little Doug, is well known for having his Christmas tree for months on end after the holiday season. He figured Oscar had brought the tree outside to dispose of it with the next scheduled garbage collection. Somehow, one of the tree's branches had found its way to Little Doug's yard.

Little Doug placed the branch at the foot of Oscar's driveway, in the area where Oscar usually puts his garbage out for collection. He expected that Oscar would see the branch and place it with his months-old Christmas tree. That's exactly what Oscar did, too.

***

During the March school break, Sack kids cavorted in the street en masse for the first time this year.

According to Jimbo, Oscar's boy, Dorian liberated the branch from Oscar's garbage area. He said the branch was used in a boisterous game of tag. Getting whacked with the branch apparently resulted in "it" status.

When the game of tag ended, the branch had outlived its usefulness. Jimbo said Dorian tried to "wing it" into the top of the trees that sit in the Sack's centre circle. Apparently, Dorian was unsuccessful in his attempt to lodge the branch into the branches of the circle's trees. In frustration, the branch was flung into the middle of the street.

A brief, but energetic game of soccer quickly began. The Christmas tree branch played the role of the soccer ball. It's Jimbo's theory that when the game ended the branch was lying at the foot of the Wonders' driveway. Apparently, that's when Doo's new step dad, Sticky showed up in the Sack on a motorcycle. He said the kids ran down to Doo's driveway to check out the bike.

***

Mrs. Wonders found the branch on Thursday and put it in our compost bin. The old town's waste management professionals took it away yesterday.

Oscar said he was miffed with Dorian for taking the branch out of the garbage. Dorian was miffed with Jimbo for telling Oscar about it.

Indirectly, the Christmas tree branch caused a number of Sack people to feel miffed about something. In the end, however, I have to bear full responsibility for this. If I had placed the branch in my compost bin in the first place, none of this would have happened.

I suppose it's a good reminder of that useful adage, "what goes around, comes around."

***