Eat the Rich

Work demands have kept us far from the blogging machine for over a week.

Of course, Sack news has continued to accumulate. It's even starting to pile up at the curb. We'll have to clear it out soon or it will start to overflow.

But first, we have to give Big Doug some space for his latest rant.

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Big Doug is irate.

Thankfully, it has nothing to do with anyone in the Sack. It's not, as Gordon likes to say, "a Sack issue." Instead, the big man is upset with someone from the outside world.

Big Doug, it seems, is extremely miffed with Paul McCartney.

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Big Doug hails from Canada's most easterly province, Newfoundland & Labrador. It is a beautiful, rugged place.

His dad was a fisherman, as were his many uncles. Before that, his grandfather was a fisherman. Big Doug says he doesn't know if the generation before that were fishermen, but he figures they probably were.

It wouldn't be an exaggeration to say that Big Doug comes from a family of fishermen.

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A few weeks ago, Paul McCartney and his wife, Heather arrived at the old town's airport.

They flew in from London and were making their way toward the ice fields near Newfoundland & Labrador. They were going to fly to Prince Edward Island and then take a helicopter to the ice fields.

They were planning on cavorting with seals when they arrived on the ice fields. According to The Daily Snooze, they wanted to raise international awareness about the barbaric nature of the annual seal hunt.

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The seal hunt can be a touchy issue in Canada, especially in Newfoundland & Labrador. Not surprisingly, there are a lot of people who are against the hunt. But there are also quite a few who defend it. In fact, the closer you get to the ice fields, the more likely you are to meet proponents of the hunt.

Many people involved with the seal hunt are fishermen. Most of the fishermen are from Newfoundland & Labrador. That's probably why Big Doug would be in favour of it.

However, Big Doug didn't really have very much to say about the seal hunt. In fact, he didn't really say whether he was for it or against it. His complaint was really more about Paul McCartney than the seal hunt.

Not surprisingly, he doesn't think Paul McCartney should be given a soapbox to complain about something that affects the lives of working people. Big Doug says McCartney is a "skabillionaire" who hasn't seen a full day's work for "many moons."

Big Doug certainly thinks Paul McCartney should mind his own beeswax.

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Big Doug was bothered most by Paul McCartney's appearance on Larry King's show on CNN.

After giving Paul and Heather "twenty-minutes of prime-time" on the seal hunt issue, Larry King asked the former Beatle what he was going to do to make the matter a priority on Canada's political agenda. McCartney replied that he had called the Canadian prime minister four times over the previous two days. Unfortunately, no one had shown the courtesy, so far, to return his calls.

A large, crooked vein was visible on Big Doug's forehead as he talked about this. He was incredulous that McCartney would expect the leader of a country to call him back.

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Paul McCartney also upset Big Doug by referring to the prime minister as Steve Harper. The prime minister has always been known as Stephen Harper. Big Doug thought it was pure ignorance on McCartney's part to get this wrong. He said it would be like referring to Richard Nixon as Rick Nixon.

Big Doug's complaint about McCartney's knowledge of the prime minister's name has some validity to it. If you were going to learn anything about the new prime minister, you'd know very quickly that it would be impossible for him to be a Steve. He's definitely a Stephen to the core.

Some people are meant to remain as a Stephen or William. It's impossible for them to be Steve or Bill, let alone a Stevie or Billy. That's the way things are sometimes.

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The best part of the show, according to Big Doug, was when the premier of Newfoundland & Labrador appeared and engaged in a ragged argument with the McCartneys.

The premier of Newfoundland & Labrador is a man named Danny Williams. He is definitely not a Daniel or even a Dan. He is a Danny all the way.

Danny Williams used to be a bruising hockey player. In fact, he's known from his days in the semi-pro ranks as a veritable hockey galoot.

In addition to being good (or bad) with his fists, he is also very quick with his tongue. Big Doug said he was thrilled to see Williams take on the "limp-wristed" Beatle. If anyone had the gumption to take on a celebrity, Big Doug said it would have to be Danny Williams.

Not surprisingly, Big Doug said Danny Williams didn't take any guff from Paul McCartney. He said the premier also "took McCartney's wife down a peg or two," as well.

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Larry King didn't escape Big Doug's wrath, either.

He called King a "fawning cadaver" for letting McCartney and his wife go on about the seal hunt. He was also incensed because King kept referring to Newfoundland as "New Finland."

At the end of it all, Big Doug says he just doesn't like the idea of wealthy celebrities getting valuable air time for their pet causes. He wonders why they don't go on "Larry What-cha-ma-call-it" and talk about the fair distribution of wealth, instead of trying to "take food from the plates of hungry Newfoundlanders."

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Of course, it's not like Big Doug to rant like this. Sack people think he's having trouble with the lack of snow. It has been weeks since his shovel has seen any action at all.

Oscar said he actually saw Big Doug running his shovel across a tiny, but persistent bit of ice in the middle of the street. He said it was oddly pathetic to watch the big man looking for something to use his shovel on.

Either way, Paul McCartney definitely got under Big Doug's skin last week. He was complaining about it to just about anyone who would listen. One of the people he complained to was Computer Doug. He told Computer Doug that he was going to throw out his old Beatles albums. He also thought he might have an old Wings album or two, as well.

Computer Doug is a music buff. While he is not a big Beatles fan, he has interest in collecting old albums. He plans on checking out Big Doug's garbage this Friday to see if any of the albums show up there.

If they don't show up, Computer Doug says this will be proof that Big Doug is really going through shovel withdrawal, rather than having any firm opposition to celebrities and the seal hunt.

He could be right about that.

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