Truth Be Told

The truth.

It's said to be the first casualty of war. It can set us free from the burden that comes from withholding it. And it's often stranger than fiction.

People say a lot of things about 'the truth'.

Maxwell, one of the Sack's more recent additions, seems to hold the truth in very high esteem. At least, that's what Oscar believes.

It's the only explanation, Oscar says, for why Maxwell would tell the truth so sparingly.

***

New beams of light have been shed on the recent escapades of Maxwell and his integration into the Bitterman household.

Maxwell, of course, has been Britney Bitterman's beau for about six months. He's also the father of her unborn child. That blessed event is supposed to take place in July.

Not surprisingly, Mr. and Mrs. Bitterman have not been overly enthusiastic about their daughter's union with Maxwell. One can only guess how they feel about the arrival of their first grandchild. Mixed feelings would be my own best guess.

Their lack of enthusiasm for Maxwell is unsurprising. He arrived in the Sack with a reputation for idleness and irresponsibility. And he already has a child from a previous relationship. He isn't paying child support, so it's no wonder the Bitterman parents would be leery of him.

I hope Maxwell can prove them wrong.

***

Britney Bitterman, of course, is no delicate flower. Rough around the edges would be the most hopeful way to describe her. In fact, a keen observer might say that Maxwell has more to be worried about than Mr. and Mrs. Bitterman.

According to popular opinion, Britney bites.

***

Despite their reservations about Maxwell, Mr. and Mrs. Bitterman have gone out of their way to help. Perhaps, this is because of their unconditional love for their daughter. Or maybe they just want to avoid getting bitten.

Mr. Bitterman secured a job for Maxwell. About three weeks ago, Maxwell began employment with a roofing company. With Mr. and Mrs. Bitterman's permission, Maxwell actually moved into the Bitterman home, so he and Britney could save money for the baby's arrival. That's a fairly sweet deal for someone who's unemployed and lives on social assistance. At least, that's how Mr. Bitterman described it to Oscar.

***

Things have not gone according to plan during these last three weeks.

The truth of the matter is unclear. Mr. Bitterman's version was presented to Oscar the other day. On the same day, Maxwell painted a very different picture when he ran into Weed at the coffee cathedral.

Regardless of which version rings most true, one thing remains constant. The Bitterman-Maxwell saga will not end well.

***

If you had wandered into the coffee cathedral the other day, you might've found a seat at a table near Maxwell and Weed. Weed would be the guy wearing a black pork pie hat over a pair of black ear muffs. Maxwell would be the tall, lanky one with the bad teeth. At least one part of his attire would bear the logo of the Montreal Canadiens.

While silently drinking coffee or nibbling on a maple sugar donut, you would've heard Maxwell's tale of the last three weeks. If you wrote down his story in chronological order, it might've looked like this:

1. Maxwell went to work for a roofing company. The company was run by "retards and morons" who have no business being in business. Despite severe injuries sustained on the job, Maxwell did most of the roofing work. His co-workers mostly sat around smoking marijuana and scratching themselves.
   
   
2. When the first two weeks of work ended, the roofing company "stiffed him" for his pay cheque. The pay cheque was going to be parlayed into the birth of Cutlass Supreme Painting. A guaranteed gig worth "thousands of dollars" was waiting for Cutlass Supreme Painting, but was dependent on the seed money from Maxwell's roofing pay cheque.
   
   
3. Maxwell quit the roofing job when his pay cheque did not appear. As a result, the launching of Cutlass Supreme Painting has been aborted once again.
   
   
4. Mr. Bitterman was very upset with Maxwell. He wouldn't believe anything Maxwell said. Maxwell even said he would "swear on a stack of Bibles" that his version of events was true. But Mr. Bitterman still wouldn't believe him. (Weed says there never seems to be a stack of Bibles around when people are willing to swear on one.)
   
   
5. Mr. Bitterman told Maxwell to leave the Bitterman residence. Britney, of course, was outraged and didn't want Maxwell to go. Apparently, a great hullabaloo ensued. (Weed swears that Maxwell actually said "hullabaloo.")
   
   
6. Maxwell moved out and went to stay with his cousin. Not the cousin who's in jail. This one's his cousin who lives near a jail.
   
   
7. Britney was heartbroken. She was going to leave home and move in with Maxwell at his cousin's apartment. (No one knows if his cousin was aware of this plan.) Mr. and Mrs. Bitterman couldn't convince Britney to stay. She was just about to leave when Mr. Bitterman came to his senses and agreed to let Maxwell come back to the Bitterman home.
   
   
8. Mr. Bitterman didn't understand the roofing and painting businesses. That was really what the problem was all about. Mr. Bitterman has lots of experience in the flooring business, but knows "squat" about roofing and painting. Finally, he was able to understand that Maxwell had been "screwed around" by the roofing company.
   
   
9. The concept of Cutlass Supreme Painting is still very much alive. It will probably be a few more weeks before it gets off the ground. In the meantime, Maxwell is going to do some work for a local painting company. Apparently, they were very specific in selecting Maxwell to help them out. Maxwell says he'll probably work as their head painter for a couple of weeks, then open Cutlass Supreme Painting.
   
   
10. Everything, according to Maxwell, is now "cool."
    
    
    ***

The Bitterman family has mostly kept their distance from other residents since they moved into the Sack about six years ago. They've always been polite, of course, but they haven't mixed with others in any meaningful way.

Until recently, Oscar had maintained a simple "driveway relationship" with Mr. Bitterman. They would simply nod to each other or exchange a brief wave. Sometimes they would chat briefly about the weather. But their contact wouldn't last longer than twenty seconds, according to Oscar.

Since the arrival of Maxwell, Mr. Bitterman has started talking with Oscar more often and in some detail, about the trials and tribulations of his family. Oscar says he now has more of a "bartender-type relationship" with Mr. Bitterman, without, of course, the bar and drink parts. Mostly, he just listens to Mr. Bitterman, occasionally giving a cluck of approval or a sympathetic grimace as the older man's woes are unloaded.

***

If you happened to be jogging through the Sack last week, you might've passed Oscar and Mr. Bitterman as they stood chatting between their respective driveways. If you bent down to slowly tie your shoe laces, you would've heard Mr. Bitterman's rant on the subject of Maxwell. If you wrote it down, it might've looked like this:

1. Maxwell, to put it politely, is "as thick as a board." He also has the mistaken impression that he's fooling everyone else. This is a key requirement, according to Mr. Bitterman, for being compared to the thickness of a board.
   
   
2. Over the course of two weeks, Maxwell worked less than four days. He either begged off with mysterious, untreatable injuries or went home within hours of arriving for work. In the middle of the second week, the head of the roofing crew fired him.
   
   
3. Not only is Cutlass Supreme Painting a figment of Maxwell's rudimentary imagination, so are the supposed customers lining up for Maxwell's services.
   
   
4. Britney Bitterman was enraged with Maxwell. She ran into him at the local shopping emporium on a day when he was supposed to be working. That was the day after he was fired. This is how Britney, and then Mr. Bitterman, found out about Maxwell's firing. When Mr. Bitterman ordered Maxwell to leave, it was with the full support of Britney. At that point, the relationship between Maxwell and Britney was "toast."
   
   
5. As each day passed without Maxwell, Britney's mood deteriorated. She was not, as Mr. Bitterman said, "a happy camper." After three days without him, she finally answered one of his phone calls. Two hours later, they met at the coffee cathedral. That's when Britney agreed to get back together with him.
   
   
6. Mr. and Mrs. Bitterman were upset when they learned of her contact with Maxwell. Britney made an "unholy racket" and was adamant about her decision to get back together with him. She said he "deserves another chance."
   
   
7. When Mr. and Mrs. Bitterman wouldn't budge from letting Maxwell back in their house, Britney started talking about moving in with Maxwell at his cousin's place. Apparently, the cousin lives in a small one bedroom apartment. It would be no place, Mr. Bitterman said, for his first grandchild to live. After much consultation with Mrs. Bitterman, they decided to let Maxwell come back. He said it was the only way to keep Britney in a good environment for the baby.
   
   
8. So Maxwell is going to get another chance. Mr. Bitterman has used another contact to secure employment for Maxwell. Apparently, Maxwell has one week to prove himself with a local painting company. The owner of the company is also familiar with Maxwell. If Maxwell "works his ass off," then he'll have continuing employment. If he tries to pull any shenanigans, Mr. Bitterman says it will be "ta-ta" for Maxwell.
   
   

***

Harmony has been restored at the Bitterman residence.

At least, that's how Maxwell seems to describe it. For Mr. and Mrs. Bitterman, it may just be the calm before the next storm.

Mr. Bitterman apparently tried to remind Britney that "the truth hurts," when he was arguing for her to remain free from Maxwell. Unfortunately, he told Oscar, she's not ready to hear this, yet.

Oscar told me that while the truth hurts in the Bitterman-Maxwell affair, it continues to be very entertaining. This, I agreed, is definitely true.

***