Circle Jerks

Gordon was poking around in the Sack's centre circle on Sunday.

The circle is maintained voluntarily by a few Sack residents. A small garden sits in the middle of the circle, surrounded by a handful of immature trees and some large ornamental rocks. The rest of the circle is dotted with some increasingly sparse grass.

I could tell that Gordon was up to something. So I decided to join him.

***

"The winter," Gordon said seriously, as he looked around the circle, "has taken her toll."

If I didn't know him as a fellow cul-de-sac dweller, I would've picked him for a wise, experienced farmer. Since I do know him as a cul-de-sac dweller, I knew something was probably afoot regarding the Sack's centre circle.

Within minutes, Gordon was telling me about a new plan to resod it. When the work is completed, the area will be "out-of-bounds" for a month or two while the sod "takes."

***

According to Gordon, the Sack Resident's Society held its most recent meeting while Oscar and I, along with our respective spouses, vacationed in Cuba. Before we left, neither of us paid too much attention to the emails announcing the meeting.

One could only wonder about what other decisions were made at the meeting. I would throw myself violently to the pavement, if I found out that Gordon had finally established a "lawn committee."

But Gordon says there were only a few more "minor" issues decided upon at the meeting. He apologized for not sending out a copy of the minutes.

He said he's been too busy planning the "circle reno" to get the minutes together. In addition to being the chairperson of the Sack Resident's Society, Gordon also keeps notes during the meeting. No one else wanted to do it and Gordon's the only one who thinks it's necessary.

***

Of course, the winter weather has nothing to do with the state of the Sack's centre circle or the decision to spruce things up. It's all just a veiled attempt to keep Sack kids from congregating there.

Gordon has been increasingly vocal about this over the last few years. When I mentioned this to him, he let loose about the kids, even though he said the decision had little to do with them. He thinks the kids spend too much time there and, as a result, the circle's landscape has been "ruined."

When I asked him where he thought Sack kids should play instead, he said:

"Those kids have to understand the circle isn't a playground. Unless they want to admire the garden, they shouldn't have any business in this circle."

***

I was going to remind Gordon that the circle was the prime meeting place for Sack kids. If they didn't have such a place, it would severely limit the size of their world.

I also would've mentioned how the circle will be an important part of the kids' later recollections of their youthful years.

But I was still thinking about young Doo, Tremayne, Jimbo and some of the other Sack kids standing solemnly and respectfully in a semicircle, as they admired the circle's burgeoning garden.

***

While Gordon envisions the circle as a restricted botanical zone, the usual Sack suspects have their own ideas.

Weed thinks the circle should contain a large community hot tub.

He said Sack people would quickly become more relaxed and patient. He also said it would be good for their muscles and joints.

***

Computer Doug imagines that a water fountain would look good in the Sack's centre circle.

Apparently, his idea involves a fountain that shoots water high into the air at random intervals. Computer Doug said people would be on edge every time they were near the circle. He thinks it would create some"interesting dynamics" in the neighbourhood.

He also says it would be great fun to watch people getting soaked from time to time.

***

Oscar thinks a very small outdoor bar would be very useful.

There would be a canopy over the place with a small number of tables. There would also be a few seats at the bar.

Oscar says it would look like one of the bamboo structures from the old Gilligan's Island television show. He said it would be a great place for Sack people to gravitate toward. People, he said, would have no choice but to come together as residents and friends.

I asked Oscar if he envisioned the place as a twenty-four-hour-a-day operation or one with regular business hours.

"Now," he said to me curtly, "you're just being ridiculous."

***

I saw young Doo later in the day and asked him what he would put in the Sack's centre circle if he was allowed. It took a while to get him to understand what I meant.

Eventually, he told me that he would turn the circle into a "playground." Apparently, there would be a slide, a set of swings and, inexplicably, a roller coaster in Doo's dream circle.

After describing his vision, Doo sped off into the circle by himself. He was wearing a black hockey helmet and carried a flashlight in his hands. He clamoured on top of the circle's ornamental rocks and shone the flashlight in the air.

It was two o'clock in the afternoon.

***

Later in the day, Doo asked me if a playground was going to be built in the Sack's centre circle.

I told him I didn't think so. But I did say that, as far as I was concerned, he could play in the circle anytime he wanted to. As long as, of course, he doesn't break any more tree branches.

The Sack's trees seem to shudder almost audibly when Doo is around the circle. He has been responsible for quite a few of the Sack's broken tree branches.

***

I told Doo that the circle will probably be turned into a rocket launching pad.

He would still be able to play in the circle, but just not when rockets were getting launched. Doo looked at me with a fair bit of skepticism, before admitting that he liked the idea very much.

Apparently, young Doo thinks it would be great fun to blow up the moon. I told him he could be right about that.

***