To the Manor Borne

"It's important to give credit, when credit is due."

That's what Oscar had to say on the subject of Burning Manor the other day. He thinks Dirk has really pulled up his socks since moving back to the Sack.

We were sitting on the Wonders' porch just after the supper hour. Both of us were enjoying a cup of tea. Oscar's tea contained milk and two teaspoons of sugar. Mine held only a small splash of milk.

I said good-bye to sugar years ago.

***

Despite Dora's raging war with Elizabeth and the rest of the Sack, Dirk really has managed to keep a low profile.

Some people give the credit to his new job. Apparently, Dirk is working on a rig in the old town's offshore oil and gas industry. He spends three weeks at sea on the oil rig, followed by three weeks back at Burning Manor.

But even when Dirk has been at home in the Sack, he has been a model citizen.

A few weeks ago, he ran a lawn mower across his front yard. Later that same day, Weed saw him actually place a sprinkler in the middle of the lawn.

Unfortunately, these efforts haven't helped the state of Burning Manor's lawn. Even though it's relatively new sod, it already has some brown patches. But at least Dirk is trying to look after the place, this time. The first Burning Manor had a barren and desolate front yard. Oscar says it was as dry and brown as the Gobi Desert.

Oscar always uses the Gobi Desert as a simile for great dryness. He never uses the Sahara Desert or the Kalahari Desert.

Oscar is a staunch Gobi man. As far as he's concerned, it's either Gobi or go home.

***

Three weeks ago, Dirk placed a piece of driftwood on the front lawn of Burning Manor.

This adornment, I'm told, is meant to add interest and style to a home's appearance. But as far as Burning Manor is concerned, it doesn't seem to be working.

In fact, closer inspection of the object reveals that it's not a piece of driftwood at all. It's an actual dead tree stump with several thick roots protruding from it.

It's a partial tree corpse.

***

The tree stump decoration is still an attempt to personalize and beautify Burning Manor. Even though it's not working, it doesn't mean that Dirk isn't making an effort.

Of course, this isn't the first time Dirk has decorated his lawn with such an odd item. He placed a thick, tumour-laden tree stump on the front lawn of the first Burning Manor.

Sack horticulturists were appalled.

***

Dirk and Dora have also had far fewer visitors at the new Burning Manor. Other than move-in day and one other occasion, there hasn't been a single drinkfest at all.

Sack residents, of course, prefer this new state of affairs. Nevertheless, Oscar says he laments the decline of the Burning Manor soiree. Friends of Burning Manor, in his opinion, were one of the most entertaining aspects of Sack life.

He could be right about this.

***

Recently, Dirk made yet another attempt to give Burning Manor a friendlier face.

Last week, four solar garden lights appeared on the lawn immediately adjacent to Burning Manor's driveway. Some effort had actually been made to space the lights evenly apart. At night time, Oscar said it made the driveway look like a short landing strip.

Unfortunately, the lights did little to change the unlived-in look of the house. The lights look more like an afterthought than a decoration.

But, Oscar argues, it's still an effort from Dirk to make his house look more acceptable. According to Oscar, this has to be worthy of praise.

He received no argument from me on the matter.

***

Unfortunately, the solar garden lights suffered a terrible blow last Sunday.

Apparently Dora was coming home from a post-Bingo Night visit to a local tavern. At least, that's what some Sack people are alleging. I really have no idea about such things.

As Dora manoeuvred her car into the driveway, she struck the two solar lights closest to the house. One of the lights was demolished, while the other was simply knocked askew.

***

More than a week has passed and the debris from the solar lights remains on Burning Manor's lawn. The top light is sitting on a slant, pointing drunkenly toward Elizabeth's house.

Apparently, Dirk is working on the oil rig at the moment.

***

Last Tuesday, Dora had another clash with some Sack residents.

Three residents were talking in the Sack's centre circle during the early evening. Prominent among the group was Big Doug. Each resident was accompanied by his dog. Two of the dogs were happily cavorting with each other, but remained close to their owners. The third, a small mellow mutt, sat patiently with its owner. None of the dogs had a leash attached to them.

Suddenly, Dora strode down the front steps of Burning Manor. Her arms were crossed tightly against her chest. She was wearing a light-blue track suit and yellow flip-flops.

Dora walked into the middle of the street and stared intently at the three residents and their dogs. She looked like an old western sheriff looking to run someone out of town.

Dora has had a bee in her bonnet about other Sack dogs, ever since she was fined for letting her big, barking and bored dog ramble around the Sack at three o'clock in the morning.

***

The two active dogs suddenly noticed Dora and stiffened. That's when Big Doug noticed her for the first time. A lengthy bout of staring ensued. Then Big Doug yelled out:

"Take a picture, dear. It'll last longer."

Dora seemed to mutter something to her self. Then she replied:

"Okay, Mr. Shit-For-Brains. I'll do that."

Then she pulled a silver camera from her track suit pocket and photographed the gathering of unleashed dogs. Finally, she swivelled quickly and marched back into Burning Manor. She closed the door with just a little too much force.

***

Mr. Shit-For-Brains. The quality of discourse in the Sack deteriorates with every passing day.

Dirk is expected to be home again in about fourteen days.

***