Snow Job Prospects

The old town finally got hit by a major winter storm.

At various different times, the weather folks described it as a weather bomb, a nor'easter and a blizzard. No matter what they called it, it still added up to two things: a great deal of snow and, fortunately, a snow day.

Conveniently, Gordon and Big Doug returned from Cuba, along with their respective spouses, yesterday afternoon. They arrived well before the snow began to fall.

At ten o'clock in the evening, the storm was just beginning to gather strength. Mrs. Wonders called me over to the front window and pointed across the street. Sure enough, there was Big Doug shoveling away on his driveway. Fifteen minutes later, Mrs. Wonders told me that Gordon had started on his driveway.

This morning, only one person in the Sack went to work. Naturally, it was Big Doug. Gordon probably would've gone to work, too. But his work was closed for the day.

Big Doug doesn't work for an essential service. I'm sure he could easily have stayed home today. But it's just not in him to do that. In some ways, you have to admire this kind of commitment. Obviously, he has a very strong work ethic and there's nothing wrong with that at all. It's good to be passionate about something.

Me? I went back to bed.

***

Dirk and Dora made another appearance in the Sack on Monday.

Oscar and I were standing outside my house when they drove by. Dora was sitting in the passenger seat. She paid no attention to us and stared stonily ahead as the car passed. Dirk, however, actually smiled at us and raised his hand in greeting.

Oscar and I were taken aback by Dirk's greeting. The best we could do in reply was to slowly raise our own hands like reluctant volunteers.

***

Oscar says Dirk's greeting confirms that he and Dora are oblivious to the anger felt toward them by Sack residents. He could be right about that.

But it could be an attempt on Dirk's part to make things better. Anything is possible, I suppose.

***

Monday night found Oscar and I walking into the warmth of the local coffee cathedral. The manager greeted Oscar by name as we walked in.

Along the side wall, we saw Maxwell and Weed seated at a table. Weed was laughing uproariously.

Both Weed and Maxwell have been spending a lot of time at the coffee cathedral lately. For Weed, it's a way to get away from the Sack. For Maxwell, it's a way to stay close to it.

Privately, Weed says Maxwell is one of the most entertaining people he has ever met. By this, Weed means "entertaining" in a cinematic car-crash kind of way.

***

We sat down and spent some time with Weed and Maxwell.

Maxwell says he's supposed to start his roofing job next week. This is the job Mr. Bitterman has secured on his behalf. Maxwell and Britney Bitterman have a baby on the way, so Maxwell says he's got no choice, but to "make some quick coin."

The roofing job, Maxwell claims, is only a temporary gig until Cutlass Supreme Painting gets off the ground. This won't happen until he secures the 1993 Cutlass Supreme a friend has promised to sell to him. The vehicle, apparently, is the centre piece of Maxwell's business plan.

Maxwell expects he'll only have to be a roofer for a couple of weeks. He says he's negotiating a payment plan for the Cutlass Supreme. He'll make his first payment from his roofing earnings and then he'll be "off to the races."

***

Despite Mr. Bitterman's attempt to help him find employment, Maxwell is clearly not enthusiastic about the roofing job. In fact, he seems to view the entire roofing business with some disdain.

"Roofing doesn't need this," he said, pointing to his forehead, "like the painting business does."

He went to say that even a monkey could be a roofer.

As he waved a piece of maple sugar donut emphatically, he added, "And there's no way you'd ever let a monkey paint your house, is there?"

***

When Maxwell started talking about monkeys and roofing, Weed exploded with laughter again. He even sprayed some coffee on the table. Mostly, it dribbled onto his lap.

After cleaning up the table and dabbing his pants with a serviette, Weed started talking about the idea of "roofer monkeys." It would be a species, he claimed, that was "born to shingle."

Oscar was greatly amused by this idea. His last remaining life aspiration is to own a helper monkey. Dogs, he has said before, have been proven incapable of the job.

Weed also mentioned an added benefit to the roofer monkey concept --- no scaffolding or ladders required.

Oscar was deeply impressed.

***

Maxwell, on the other hand, thought Weed's extrapolation on monkeys and roofing was hilarious.

He erupted with a deep guffaw as Weed talked about the roofer monkeys. Part of his maple sugar donut exploded from his mouth. A small piece even landed in Weed's coffee cup. Thankfully, Weed didn't notice it.

***

Privately, Maxwell says Weed is one of the funniest people he has ever met. By this, he says he means "as funny as that guy on that show."

Maxwell tried hard to think of the name of "that show," but he couldn't put his finger on it. Eventually, he admitted that he definitely didn't know the name of "that guy," but he was sure that he would come up with the name of the show. He told Oscar and I that he would let us know when he remembers it.

Of course, it will be easier now for Maxwell to let us know. He says he's moving into the Bitterman home this weekend.

Oscar says Maxwell's presence will be both funny and entertaining.

"But," he added, "there's no way it's going to end well."

He could be right about that.

***