A Devil of a Time

It is a cool autumn evening in The Sack. There is still daylight, but a light shroud of fog has descended on the street.

Oscar and I sit pensively on my front steps. We have eschewed after-dinner drink in favour of freshly-brewed coffee.

There is little movement in The Sack. We can only see Big Doug puttering about in his yard. I wonder silently if there is plutonium involved in his labour. But, I dare not raise this with Oscar.

***

Oscar breaks the silence and asks, "Does it ever bother you that men of the cloth don't want to live here?"

There have been two ministers who have lived in The Sack. Neither stayed for longer than a year. In fact, one stayed for barely three months before selling his home.

Oscar has raised this matter before. When he is feeling rueful or blue, the minister thing becomes of greater concern to him.

***

In Oscar's eyes, the quick departures of the ministers suggest something sinister is afoot in The Sack. There is, as he puts it, something ominous about the whole thing.

This time, I simply say to him, "I think your Catholicism is acting up again."

***

But Oscar will have none of this.

"Seriously, he says, have you considered that two ministers have lived here, in houses right next to each other. . . and neither chose to stay?"

***

I point out that both men left for plausible reasons.

William, for one, was a wonderful man who lived in The Sack for about a year, along with his young family. He was a minister from China, charged with building a new congregation in the old town.

Unfortunately, there is only a very small Chinese community here. William had no choice but to move to a larger urban area.

I also mention that William still owns a property in The Sack. This house is currently occupied by Rental Doug and his blended family.

***

The other minister never really lived here at all. He had the house built in anticipation of retirement. He was still living in another province and only came home on occasional weekends.

However, his retirement plans changed and he sold the house.

***

But the logic of my argument only reinforces Oscar's position.

"Plausible enough, he concedes, but hardly proof of anything."

***

Oscar's theory about the ministers borders on the fantastic. He believes that the forces of evil have conspired to occupy a roost in The Sack.

"So, you're saying that the Devil, himself, is living in one of those two homes?", I ask.

Oscar looks at me with a cocked eyebrow, as if I'm consumed with drink. "Of course, not." he says. "The Sack is far too unimportant for him. He would need a place with more panache."

"An agent of the Devil would be far more likely."

***

Occupying one of the homes is a very nice couple named Ben and Norma. Finer people could not be imagined.

Oscar readily agrees that neither Ben, nor Norma, is doing the Devil's business in The Sack.

***

This, of course, leaves Rental Doug as the primary candidate for evil-doing.

The original purpose of our evening was to review the permanence of the name we have given to Rental Doug. I should have known why Oscar has returned to the minister issue on this particular night.

***

"So, you think Rental Doug has ties to Lucifer?", I ask.

Oscar ponders this for a time and then says, "Well, he does drive a red car. Red is associated with danger and fire. . . and he moved here right after the Burning Manor affair."

Rental Doug drives a red Honda Accord. I hardly think such a sensible car reflects the Devil's style. Satan's people, I tell Oscar, would drive something far more ostentatious.

***

At this point, our discussion deteriorates further. We begin to argue about the vehicles that various personas might drive. We reach the zenith of absurdity when Oscar asks, "What would Jesus drive?"

Oscar thinks He would drive a hybrid vehicle, something that reflects an environmental sensibility. I disagree strongly and suggest that the Son of God would undoubtedly take the bus at every opportunity.

***

Eventually, we return to the matter of Rental Doug. Oscar argues that Rental Doug may not even be a Doug at all. He may have chosen this name to blend in amongst the other Dougs. This way, according to Oscar, he could "fly under our radar."

In the end, Oscar finally concedes that Rental Doug should retain the moniker we have given him. We have agreed in the past that such decisions must be unanimous. He had pushed hard for the names Evil Doug, Satanic Doug and even, Beelzebub. But I will have none of this.

To ease Oscar's concession on the matter, I agree that we will keep a very close eye on Rental Doug. At the first sign of an evil deed, as Oscar puts it, we can reopen the debate.

***

The business part of our agenda is complete, so we return our empty coffee cups to my kitchen. With the serious matters of The Sack behind us, it is now time for the drink.

***