Spies, Lies and Surprises

We continue our review of The Sack's rental property people. Today, we meet the tenants who moved out last week and, of course, the new arrivals. . . .

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A week after the memorable bridal shower at the rental house, the tenants packed up and moved to the next stage of their lives. Several weeks later, a young couple moved in.

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It is hard to say much about this couple. They seemed to go out very infrequently. They were almost always home during the day, when most Sack residents were at work.

When they did go out, it was during odd hours and at short intervals.

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Oscar is convinced that the young couple were CSIS agents. CSIS is the Canadian Security Intelligence Service. It is a kinder, gentler, but clumsier version of the CIA.

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Residents of a cul de sac seem to have a much higher propensity to create and maintain rumour, in comparison to those who live in other urban environments.

Perhaps, this is because a cul de sac is more self-contained. Residents tend not to interact with people on surrounding streets in the course of their day-to-day lives.

Consequently, we spend much more time being witnesses to each other's lives.

The next time I see my friends from the New Urbanism movement, I will ask about this.

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I did not agree with Oscar's view of the young couple as a pair of government agents.

Oscar suspects that Big Doug is using plutonium on his lawn. This is the only way, he says, that Big Doug could have achieved such a brilliant green, weedless lawn. In Oscar's view, the young couple was merely here to gather evidence.

I pointed out that Big Doug is not the kind of man who would do business with former Soviet republics. Secondly, his garage is far too orderly to be hiding a supply of plutonium. Finally, I am doubtful about its benefits as a lawn fertilizer.

Oscar simply dismisses this as naivety on my part.

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Of course, this is all preposterous.

Nonetheless, Florence made a guest appearance on the show a few weeks later and confessed that she had heard the couple "worked for the government." When pressed, she claimed to have heard this from Little Doug.

The next time I saw Little Doug, he told me he had heard this news from Oscar.

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A few months ago, I learned from a 'non-Sack' source that the couple were waiters at an upscale downtown bar/eatery. When I informed Oscar of this news, he simply winked and replied, "Of course, they are."

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CSIS agents or not, the couple moved out last weekend. All things considered, they were very nice people and good neighbours. They kept to themselves, but interacted respectfully when needed. This is okay with me.

Big Doug still has a perfect lawn. To the best of my knowledge, he has not been arrested for anything.

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We now turn our attention to the newest tenants.

Again, they are a young couple, except they have two children. Apparently, they are a blended family. This is also okay with me.

Oscar told me this yesterday, just before he left for The Stones concert in Moncton. He also told me something else. Specifically, it's news about the man.

What Oscar told me is not a rumour. This time, it is true.

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The new man's name is Doug.

Incredibly, he becomes the fourth Doug currently living in The Sack. In total, he is the fifth Doug to make his home here.

This must be some kind of national, if not international, record.

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Oscar and I have agreed that he will be known tentatively as Rental Doug. We need more time to consider this, but it must wait until Oscar returns from The Stones.

This is our second opportunity in one week to give someone a new name. We want to make sure we get it right this time.

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