Choose Your Poison

A federal election is on the horizon.

It could be announced this week. The election might be held as early as January. Either way, it will happen next year.

So how will The Sack vote?

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The Sack's current Member of Pariliament is from the Liberal Party. He's a cabinet minister, as well.

His father was a very successful politician and he comes from a wealthy family. He's very well-connected.

I don't have much time for the guy at all.

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In the Sack's area, the provinical politician is from the New Democratic Party. The NDP platform is to the left of the Liberals. They have roots as a socialist party, but they've become much more pragmatic over the years.

More than anything else, this guy has really impressed me with his hard work and efforts to communicate with his constituents. People like those qualities these days. Some people will vote for those kinds of things rather than ideology or political platform.

Either way, this guy has been elected twice. If he runs in the next provincial election (also likely in 2006), he'll probably win again.

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The Sack's city councillor ran for provincial office. She ran for the Conservative Party, but she lost.

As it stands today, The Sack is represented in governments by a liberal, a socialist and a conservative.

We like to cover all of the bases.

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Who will Sack people vote for in the federal election?

I can only guess.

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Florence will probably vote for the Liberals. She just strikes me that way.

Ben and Norma will likely vote Liberal, too.

Ben's in the military and the Liberals have been spending more money in that area. They also plan to spend even more.

So Ben and Norma will probably stick with what's working.

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Oscar will definitely vote for the Conservatives.

This always surprises me. But Oscar is a "traditional voter." He votes the way his family has for decades. The Conservatives could plan to banish drink and Oscar would still vote for them. He says it's "in his blood" to vote for the party.

Banishing drink would be a real test of Oscar's blood. Somehow, I think he'd be having blood transfusions very quickly, if this ever happened.

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Gordon and Big Doug will vote for the Conservatives. Big Doug would probably vote Libertarian, if they had a stronger party.

Gordon will vote Conservative solely because of Big Doug. If left to his own devices, he might vote Liberal. It would depend on what issue was pissing him off the most at the time.

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I'd be very surprised if Little Doug votes at all. He doesn't seem to pay much attention to such matters.

Weed, of course, is a firm supporter of the Marijuana Party. This doesn't mean he'd actually go out and vote. But if he just happened to be passing a polling station on election day, Weed would probably vote for them.

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I have no idea who Rental Doug might vote for.

Oscar says whatever party Rental Doug supports would have to be very pro-Satan.

I remain doubtful about this.

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Elizabeth has all the appearances of a card-carrying Conservative. But she might be a "traditional" Liberal. It's really hard to tell.

She's definitely not a socialist, though.

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Computer Doug is hard to pin down. He's well-informed and works in a business environment. Liberal or Conservative, take your pick.

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What about the Bitterman family?

There are four votes in that house, but I doubt if Jason and Britney would recognize a ballot box, even if it fell on top of them.

Mr. and Mrs. Bitterman seem like Liberals to me. I can tell by the way they walk.

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Doo, the tree branch-breaking, rock-throwing terror would not be backing the Green Party, if he was of voting age. I see him as more of a Liberal. You just never know what he's going to do next.

Tremayne, The Sack's chocolate bar baron, would back the Conservatives if he could. As a man of business, he'd want to keep the economic climate favourable for the entrepreneur.

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The most important election in these parts will be held next week. Gordon is running unopposed for the leadership of the Sack Resident's Society.

Oscar and I were reading about an eighteen year-old who was elected as mayor of some town in the U.S last week. This had us thinking about the Sack election.

We're thinking about supporting Doo as a write-in candidate.

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