While snow hasn't fallen yet, it's getting colder and windier every day. As it gets colder, people in the Sack tend to hibernate in their homes. To the untrained eye, it can seem like very little is going on in the neighbourhood.
But looks can be very deceiving . . .
***
Oscar went to retrieve his newspaper from his front step yesterday. A sudden gust of wind sent some of the paper flying about the Sack.
He was wearing his work clothing at the time. In Oscar's case, this means a bathrobe and slippers.
One part of the paper landed on Ben and Norma's lawn. It turned out to be the comic section.
While retrieving the paper, Oscar encountered Norma. She was scraping ice from her car's windshield.
***
Oscar says it was bitterly cold, so he had little time to chat with Norma. It was also very windy, so he had to fight to keep his bathrobe closed. At the time, he was wearing his Homer Simpson boxer shorts. He got them for his birthday last year.
During his brief discussion with Norma, Oscar learned something very interesting.
Britney Bitterman is pregnant.
***
Apparently, Norma spoke with Miss Bitterman the other day.
Britney had accused Norma of making unflattering remarks about her chastity at the local bingo emporium. Norma wanted Britney to know that this was a case of mistaken identity. Another bingo player had actually made the derogatory comment.
***
Fortunately, Norma was able to smooth things over with Britney. Harmony has now been restored.
During the course of the discussion, Britney disclosed the news about her pregnancy. According to Norma, this was the reason Britney was so upset about the comment.
Britney's pregnancy, Oscar says, may also explain Mr. Bitterman's recent gallbladder attack.
He could be right about that.
***
Mr. Bitterman, by the way, is now back at home. He spent three days in the hospital because of his gallbladder.
Meanwhile, Gordon has become the Sack expert on all matters relating to gallbladders. I'm told he spent considerable time on the Internet learning about this particular organ.
When Mr. Bitterman returned from the hospital, Gordon was waiting on his driveway. Mr. Bitterman was still wearing his hospital ID bracelet.
Gordon thought it would be helpful to brief Mr. Bitterman on everything he had learned about gallbladder care and maintenance.
It was almost enough, Oscar says, to give Mr. Bitterman another gallbladder attack.
***
There is no other information available about Britney Bitterman's pregnancy.
No one knows who the father is, except, one would imagine, Britney. She didn't say how long she has been pregnant. Norma didn't think it was appropriate to ask about either of these matters.
We shouldn't worry about these details, according to Oscar. He says the full story should be floating around the Sack within a few days.
If not, Oscar says, he's thinking about going to bingo next week. Bingo people, he thinks, will surely have the full story. He suggested we should go together because we can "cover more ground" that way.
I might have a medical appointment that night. I'm thinking about getting my gallbladder checked, just to be on the safe side.
***
2 comments:
The title had me worried that Oscar was now pregnant.
I wouldn't rule that out as a possiblity. He'd do anything to get his name in the paper.
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