As uptight and indignant as Gordon can get, he has mellowed a bit over the last few years. Big Doug has been known to put off cutting his lawn for over twenty-hours. A few years ago, you would've had to tie him down.
Oscar went to The Stones concert in Moncton and came right home the next day. For Oscar, this is shameful.
In the past, if he didn't get arrested, he would at least wander off for a few days.
Me? I have formally adopted a "I don't want any trouble" philosophy. It's easier that way. Steering clear of trouble saves energy. As a result, you tend to run at a lower speed.
That's why we're still not finished with Halloween. Because I'm just strolling along.
***
There were no Halloween pranks committed in The Sack.
I will admit to being a bit disappointed with this. No house was decorated with toilet paper. Shaving cream wasn't sprayed under the door handles of any cars. No burning bags of dog poop.
Not a single window was soaped.
***
I was definitely up for some Halloween pranks, even if the Wonders' house was on the receiving end. Except, of course, if our windows were soaped. It takes a lot of effort to clean those up.
That's another thing about getting older. A prank is only funny, if it doesn't take very long to clean up.
***
Oscar wanted us to pull a few pranks together.
He still has a small cache of fireworks in his garage. Oscar went through a "fireworks phase" earlier in the summer. It seems like he still has some of it left in his system.
I declined to participate in any pranks with him. I said I was at the age where I wanted to be entertained by other people's pranks rather than my own.
Besides, I pointed out, Mrs. Wonders and Oscar's wife, B.W., are still watching us very closely because of the mannequin thing.
We were going to put a Humphrey Bogart-like mannequin on Gordon's lawn while he's a work. We're hoping he'll see the figure when he checks his webcam at his work computer. We really haven't thought very much about what might happen after that. Hopefully, it will involve hilarity.
Unfortunately, this plan has been shelved for the moment.
***
Oscar said he was "miffed" with me, because I wouldn't engage in any pranks.
"When I finally get my helper monkey," Oscar said, "I doubt I'll want to spend much time with you at all."
***
Oscar warmed up a bit when I reminded him of some previous Sack spectacles which he was involved in.
A few years ago, Big Doug celebrated a milestone birthday. His family threw a big surprise party for him. They took him out for dinner and brought him home to a house full of surprise guests. Almost everyone in The Sack was there. There were lots of non-Sack people.
Someone had bought Big Doug a blow-up sex doll for his birthday. Apparently, it was supposed to be a joke.
Somehow, Oscar convinced the guy to give up the sex doll, so Big Doug could be given a warm welcome when he arrived at the surprise party.
With the help of Little Doug and other handy people, the blow-up doll was inflated and positioned in one of Big Doug's upper front windows. One of the doll's hands was positioned upwards in a friendly wave.
Little Doug had some portable spotlights typically used for doing construction work at night. These were set up at the front of the house. Dolly was beautifully illuminated in Big Doug's bedroom window. Her pointed plastic breasts cast two dramatic v-shaped silhouettes across the front of the house.
It gave the house a certain artistic flair.
***
Big Doug was very good-natured about the whole thing. I thought he might be upset because his wife's elderly parents were with him when he drove up. Elizabeth was horrified and left the party soon after.
I have no idea what happened to the plastic, blow-up sex doll. Maybe Big Doug still has it in his garage. It could be in a box right next to his supply of lawn plutonium. One can only guess.
***
During "White Juan", our hurricane-like snow storm from a few years ago, Oscar was behind another little spectacle.
We received over one hundred centimetres of snow in one day. That's a fair bit of snow.
It took three or four days for The Sack to be reconnected to the outside world. By the time the street was clear, a mountain of snow had been piled in the Sack's centre. Sack kids were ecstatic about this. They played on the top of this mountain for weeks.
Oscar and I took friendly bets over which Sack kids would get flung off the top of the mountain. Eventually, Jimbo threw little Tremayne off the mountain. He flew down the side like a puck and ended up at the top of Florence's driveway. Thankfully, Florence's car wasn't there at the time.
***
For some reason, Oscar had eight large flags, complete with wooden flag poles, in his garage. The flags were adorned with large logos extolling the virtues of a popular vodka.
I have no idea why Oscar would have these items in his garage. He has a female mannequin in there, so I suppose vodka flags should not be unexpected.
Anyway, Oscar had the idea that the flags would look very good if they were planted across the top of the Sack snow mountain. The kids thought the flags were terrific. It was like having their own kingdom to rule over.
Vodkaland.
***
Somehow, a photographer from the Daily Snooze showed up the next day and took a picture of the Sack kids playing in Vodkaland. In the caption to the photograph, Oscar was mentioned as its chief architect.
***
It seems we're now done with Halloween.
It's time to shuffle along to the next thing. Whatever it is, we'll approach it slowly and gently. There's no point in moving too quickly. If you go too fast, you can end up with trouble.
And I don't want any trouble.
***
No comments:
Post a Comment