Oscar says it must be one of those African killer bees that people are always talking about.
We encountered Elizabeth at a New Year's Day drop-in affair at Ben and Norma's place. It turned out to be a good opportunity to catch up on the latest Sack news.
This is the third year in a row they've hosted such a gathering. Oscar thinks it must be a good way for Ben to get rid of all the holiday food he swipes from the military every year. Ben, of course, is a senior cook in Canada's fighting forces.
Anyway, the gathering did nothing to dispel the notion that 2006 will be a very interesting year in the Sack.
***
Elizabeth has been watching the rebuilding of Burning Manor very closely.
The construction crew, she reports, appears to be doing a very good job in building the replacement home. Clearly, she said, they're tradespeople who take a lot of pride in their work.
Unfortunately, their fine workmanship is one of the things causing the bee in her bonnet.
Elizabeth doesn't think it's fair that Dirk and Dora should get such a fine new home after making life "hell" for everyone else in the Sack. She just doesn't think it's right.
Oscar asked if she'd prefer to see a chain gang involved in the rebuilding of Burning Manor. Elizabeth said this would probably help, but only if Dirk and Dora were included in the chain gang.
***
Most of the Sack's houses were built by a drunken band of barely-qualified drifters and grifters. That's how Big Doug puts it.
Big Doug got his revenge by purloining building materials from the work sites of every house built after his. If you're ever short of money, but desperately need some crown moulding, then Big Doug is the man to see.
Oscar was one of the first to live in the Sack. He has witnessed the construction of most of its homes. He says the builders would smoke copious amounts of marijuana during the work day, to offset the alcohol they consumed the night before. It's no surprise, he says, that Sack houses have so many "boo-boos" in them.
***
Gordon has a different phrase for the "boo-boos." He calls them "building code violations."
He has spent considerable time trying to gain satisfaction for various deficiencies in his home. The only thing he has to show for these efforts is a bad case of high blood pressure.
A few years ago, Gordon completed some minor renovations in his home. During the work, he found the decaying remains of a Big Mac, a large order of fries and a medium Coke. He found these items behind the drywall in his spare bedroom. He said the food was still in its McDonald's bag. The bag and the Coke were sitting between two wall studs.
***
The exterior of Burning Manor is almost complete. The last bit of siding was installed on Saturday.
The colour of the new siding has given Elizabeth another dose of resentment. The old Burning Manor was a pale, sickly green. The new colour is a pleasant, butter-yellow.
This, unfortunately, is exactly the same colour as Elizabeth's house. She lives right next door to Burning Manor.
Oscar has continued to refer to Burning Manor as "Dirk's Erection." He told Elizabeth she should be relieved that Dirk would want his erection to look as pleasing as possible. Dirk's old erection, he said, was the shabbiest on the street. This new attention to esthetics suggests growth on Dirk's part.
Elizabeth responded with a very theatrical smirk. It was, one would imagine, her first smirk of the new year. Oscar thinks there will be many more to follow before 2006 is over.
***
Of course, Elizabeth is still planning to confront Dirk when the time is right.
She spent five hundred dollars to replace some of the siding on her house after the Burning Manor fire. That was the deductible amount on her insurance policy.
She wants Dirk to pay up.
***
So far, no one has seen Dirk and Dora together whenever they've driven by to look at the construction of their home. They always come separately, but in the same car. Neither of them has yet to get out of the vehicle. They just drive very slowly past the house.
Elizabeth says the day is fast approaching when one of them will have to get out the car.
***
Burning Manor wasn't the only subject discussed at the New Year's drop-in affair. Ben also regaled the gathering with more tales about his recent colonoscopy.
He said he wouldn't wish such a procedure on his worst enemy. This comment caught Elizabeth's attention. She ended up asking Ben a lot of questions about his colonoscopy.
Finally, she said it sounded like it would be a very fitting experience for Dirk.
She also said she has a birthday coming up later this month. Apparently, she now knows exactly what she'll be wishing for.
***
2 comments:
The more I learn about Big Doug, the more I think he was robbed of Doug of the Year.
You could be right there, Jessica. To put it in a political perspective, he's the Al Gore of the Sack.
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