There are two kinds of noise that bend noses (and ears) out of shape: Noise from within The Sack and noise generated from the outside world.
Today, we lend an ear to a particular noise inside The Sack.
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Ben and Norma are a delightful couple who live in The Sack. Everyone likes Ben and Norma.
But there is one thing about them which drives people to distraction. Ben and Norma are the proud owners of the world's loudest and most powerful central vacuum system. Oscar has it on good authority that their vacuum is powered by an engine from a Boeing 767 passenger jet.
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Making Matters Worse (Part I) - The vacuum motor is vented outside of Ben and Norma's house. When it's running, it sounds like The Sack is about to become an emergency landing strip for a wayward Air Canada jet.
Making Matters Worse (Part II) - Norma, it seems, is prolific when it comes to vacuuming. She does it often and for long periods. If there was a Nobel Prize for vacuuming, she would be on her way to Stockholm to accept it.
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Oscar claims that Ben and Norma have carpet on their walls and ceilings. He says he's been in their house and saw it with his own eyes. If this is true, then Rental Doug is surely Satan's second cousin.
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Sack residents have made passive, joking comments to Ben and Norma about their robust vacuum.
Ben simply jokes about Norma's enthusiasm for vacuuming: "It's her therapy. It's just her way of coping with stress."
Norma works in a library. One can only imagine a library in the most desolate part of the old town. Every day, Norma must be caught in the crossfire, as competing street gangs battle for control of the periodicals.
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Ben has made only one appearance on the show hosted by me and Oscar. Every time Ben said something, Oscar pretended he couldn't hear very well and asked Ben to repeat himself. Finally, Ben asked if there was something wrong with his hearing.
Oscar looked surprised for a moment and then removed a pair of plugs from his ears.
"Sorry," Oscar said, "Norma was vacuuming earlier and I forgot to take these out."
Ben just laughed and agreed that his vacuum was very loud. Then he started talking about something else.
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Norma's favourite time to vacuum is around ten o'clock in the evening.
During the summer months, this is the time when most Sack kids have to go home. Since most kids don't wear watches, many parents tell their kids to come home as soon as they hear Norma's vacuum.
When Oscar and I are on our show, Norma's vacuum is the cue for our first intermission. This is when we replenish our drink supply and go to the bathroom.
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Only time will tell whether Ben and Norma will get rid of their noisy vacuum.
Most Sack people won't directly tell each other when there's a problem. We're very passive that way. There are exceptions, of course, but they're very few.
It's more likely that someone will make an anonymous complaint to the city under a noise by-law. This wouldn't be the first time something like that has happened. Tomorrow, we'll blog about some of the more despicable things a few Sack residents have anonymously done to others.
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Big Doug says he's prepared to buy Ben and Norma's powerful vacuum, if they're forced to get rid of it.
Apparently, he has plans to modify the motor for his lawn mower.
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