We understand that General William Tecumseh Sherman is credited with uttering the phrase, “war is hell.”
One wonders about Sherman’s take on meetings.
One wonders about Sherman’s take on meetings.
***
Meetings of a business nature do not result in the carnage associated with war. Rest assured, however, they do take their toll.
***
The inaugural Sack Residents' Association Meeting & Barbeque was greeted by rain and fog.
The meeting was to occur in The Sack’s centre circle. Word filtered around that the meeting would be held in Gordon’s garage, instead.
About fifteen people attended the meeting. Ben and Norma were the only couple to attend. Everyone else came as a representative of their household.
Oscar and I were there as undercover suburban anarchists.
The meeting was to occur in The Sack’s centre circle. Word filtered around that the meeting would be held in Gordon’s garage, instead.
About fifteen people attended the meeting. Ben and Norma were the only couple to attend. Everyone else came as a representative of their household.
Oscar and I were there as undercover suburban anarchists.
***
It did not take long to discover that our fears of totalitarian rule would be unfounded.
Gordon and his followers are still intent on establishing rules, regulations and codes of conduct. But they are so focused on the minor details of organizing a residents' association that it should be many years before such matters are actually addressed.
Oscar says the residents' association will be an exercise in “herding cats.”
Gordon and his followers are still intent on establishing rules, regulations and codes of conduct. But they are so focused on the minor details of organizing a residents' association that it should be many years before such matters are actually addressed.
Oscar says the residents' association will be an exercise in “herding cats.”
***
Inexplicably, Gordon began the meeting by introducing a logo for the association.
After an exhaustive search of web clipart sites, Gordon presented what he called “a bird of prey against the silhouette of the moon.” He said the logo would be used on the association’s letterhead and website.
Oscar almost spilled his drink when he heard Gordon mention a website.
After an exhaustive search of web clipart sites, Gordon presented what he called “a bird of prey against the silhouette of the moon.” He said the logo would be used on the association’s letterhead and website.
Oscar almost spilled his drink when he heard Gordon mention a website.
***
Everyone agreed that the logo was impressive. The first vote of the association was unanimous.
I have a rudimentary knowledge of birds. And it’s unlikely that I will ever be honoured by The Audubon Society. But I am quite certain that the “bird of prey” which will adorn the residents' association logo is a turkey vulture.
I waited until the vote was complete before whispering to Oscar that The Sack was now represented pictorially by a turkey vulture. This time he actually spilled his drink.
I waited until the vote was complete before whispering to Oscar that The Sack was now represented pictorially by a turkey vulture. This time he actually spilled his drink.
***
The next item of business was introduced by Elizabeth.
She declared that a formal name for the association was needed. Gordon interjected that there was nothing wrong with “Residents’ Association.” There was a murmur of agreement from the floor.
Elizabeth, however, explained that something with more punch was needed. A Residents’ Association would be viewed by politicians and government departments as “amateurish” and “unsophisticated.”
Taking a delicate sip from her wine glass, Elizabeth looked around the garage and said we would be taken far more seriously if we were a “Residents’ Society.”
She declared that a formal name for the association was needed. Gordon interjected that there was nothing wrong with “Residents’ Association.” There was a murmur of agreement from the floor.
Elizabeth, however, explained that something with more punch was needed. A Residents’ Association would be viewed by politicians and government departments as “amateurish” and “unsophisticated.”
Taking a delicate sip from her wine glass, Elizabeth looked around the garage and said we would be taken far more seriously if we were a “Residents’ Society.”
***
Some people were immediately taken by Elizabeth’s idea.
Little Doug said he would be thrilled to be part of a Society. He’s been in a few Associations before and a number of Unions, but never a Society.
Florence said she belongs to several Societies and has found them to be much more cohesive and effective than any Association she had belonged to.
Gordon, however, admitted that he had already ordered stationery adorned with "Residents’ Association" and the turkey vulture logo.
Forty-five minutes of debate ensued.
Little Doug said he would be thrilled to be part of a Society. He’s been in a few Associations before and a number of Unions, but never a Society.
Florence said she belongs to several Societies and has found them to be much more cohesive and effective than any Association she had belonged to.
Gordon, however, admitted that he had already ordered stationery adorned with "Residents’ Association" and the turkey vulture logo.
Forty-five minutes of debate ensued.
***
During the debate, a very curious thing happened.
Oscar had been uncharacteristically mute during the meeting. This, he explained later, was part of his undercover suburban anarchist persona.
However, he became quite vociferous during the debate about the name of The Sack’s new organization. He argued that we were allied in a common cause to protect the best interests of The Sack and its residents.
Oscar had been uncharacteristically mute during the meeting. This, he explained later, was part of his undercover suburban anarchist persona.
However, he became quite vociferous during the debate about the name of The Sack’s new organization. He argued that we were allied in a common cause to protect the best interests of The Sack and its residents.
He strongly supported the notion of a Society, rather than an Association. There is a sense of strength, character and intellect in a Society, he claimed, that an Association could never aspire to.
In the end, his suggested name for the group was adopted by a narrow vote. Gordon was politely chastised for ordering stationery without prior agreement about a name. He agreed in a sullen tone to change the order on Monday.
In the end, his suggested name for the group was adopted by a narrow vote. Gordon was politely chastised for ordering stationery without prior agreement about a name. He agreed in a sullen tone to change the order on Monday.
***
The Sack’s governing body will now be known as the Sack Residents’ Society.
Later, I asked Oscar why he was so passionate about the name issue.
"A good suburban anarchist would argue against anything Gordon was in favour of."
"A good suburban anarchist would argue against anything Gordon was in favour of."
***
Once the name issue was settled, Gordon talked about a website. He graciously offered the use of his web space, noting that his webcam would be on the site for everyone to access. He suggested that Computer Doug might be enlisted to design the site.
Computer Doug’s wife, Marion was present, but he wasn't.
Computer Doug told Oscar he had no interest in a residents’ group, because it could only mean more pressure to make his home look nicer. There was no way, he said, he would attend the inaugural meeting.
Marion told me it was also Computer Doug’s turn to look after their two children.
Marion told everyone she would speak to Computer Doug about designing a website for the Society. But, she warned, it had better not be a very time-consuming task, because Computer Doug is very good at avoiding things he should be doing at home.
Computer Doug’s wife, Marion was present, but he wasn't.
Computer Doug told Oscar he had no interest in a residents’ group, because it could only mean more pressure to make his home look nicer. There was no way, he said, he would attend the inaugural meeting.
Marion told me it was also Computer Doug’s turn to look after their two children.
Marion told everyone she would speak to Computer Doug about designing a website for the Society. But, she warned, it had better not be a very time-consuming task, because Computer Doug is very good at avoiding things he should be doing at home.
***
Over ninety minutes had already passed before everyone started talking about issues. It was a long, rambling discussion with everyone ultimately complaining about the behaviour of people who weren’t at the meeting.
Little Doug eventually had a coughing fit and said he had to go. It was a very convincing performance. He was holding on to his broken ribs with each painful cough. Everyone was very sympathetic.
Oscar and I looked at each other knowingly. It was another subtle, graceful exit by Little Doug.
Little Doug eventually had a coughing fit and said he had to go. It was a very convincing performance. He was holding on to his broken ribs with each painful cough. Everyone was very sympathetic.
Oscar and I looked at each other knowingly. It was another subtle, graceful exit by Little Doug.
***
Things became a bit tense when Big Doug made a comment about kids in The Sack. Doo’s mother became defensive and asked him if he was talking about her Doo.
Big Doug said he was only talking in “generalities.”
Everyone knew he was talking specifically about Doo. Everyone also agreed with every word Big Doug said.
But others jumped in to reassure Doo’s mom that Big Doug wasn’t talking about Doo in particular. Elizabeth even remarked that Doo was “a lovely boy.”
On Friday night, Elizabeth dropped by our show and mentioned that she would love to “knock Doo’s block off” for riding his bike on her lawn.
Big Doug said he was only talking in “generalities.”
Everyone knew he was talking specifically about Doo. Everyone also agreed with every word Big Doug said.
But others jumped in to reassure Doo’s mom that Big Doug wasn’t talking about Doo in particular. Elizabeth even remarked that Doo was “a lovely boy.”
On Friday night, Elizabeth dropped by our show and mentioned that she would love to “knock Doo’s block off” for riding his bike on her lawn.
***
Finally, Gordon seemed to realize that we were going nowhere in our discussion of issues. He suggested that we should begin formal discussions about the issues at the next meeting.
In the meantime, he said, we should agree on who would be the chairperson of the new Sack Residents’ Society. He added that he would be “more than pleased” to act in that capacity.
In the meantime, he said, we should agree on who would be the chairperson of the new Sack Residents’ Society. He added that he would be “more than pleased” to act in that capacity.
***
Oscar suggested that it would be more democratic if a vote was held.
Gordon seemed taken aback momentarily. Then he asked if Oscar wanted to put his name forward.
“No,” said Oscar quickly, “But I think Guy Wonders might be interested.”
It was at this point that I spilled Oscar’s drink.
Gordon seemed taken aback momentarily. Then he asked if Oscar wanted to put his name forward.
“No,” said Oscar quickly, “But I think Guy Wonders might be interested.”
It was at this point that I spilled Oscar’s drink.
***
In the end, it was agreed that the chairperson issue would be held over until the next meeting. Everyone was asked to think about whether they would like to put their name forward and a vote would be held then.
Gordon’s spirits were lifted a bit when he was asked to look after the scheduling of the next meeting. Email addresses were collected and he vowed to set up an email group forthwith.
Gordon’s spirits were lifted a bit when he was asked to look after the scheduling of the next meeting. Email addresses were collected and he vowed to set up an email group forthwith.
***
Since the barbeque was cancelled due to weather, Oscar and I repaired to my front room for drink and a post-meeting analysis. He apologized for nominating me for the chairperson role, but explained that it would be the “ultimate infiltration” if I ran for election.
If we weren’t sitting in my front room, I told Oscar, I would happily spill his drink again.
If we weren’t sitting in my front room, I told Oscar, I would happily spill his drink again.
***
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